March Madness Parenting Methods

I'm not the stay-at-home-mom I thought I would be. For one thing, I thought I would handle the bickering over toys with diplomacy, tact and patience. Yeah, not so much. Today I hit upon brilliant approach that I credit to all the basketball we've been watching lately.

The girls were fighting over a toy we found in the basement at my parents' house while we were looking for my old records yesterday morning. For those of you 80's kids like me, you may remember this:

Fisher Price Sesame Street toy set

I had to explain to the girls that Mr. Hooper used to run the store instead of Chris, but other than that, most of the elements from the show featured in the toy are the same today as they were 35 years ago.

The girls helped me wash the figurines while I wiped down the apartment building, and then happily played together for awhile. Before long, I heard them arguing. They both wanted the trash truck. (I sort of remember that was the piece my sister and I fought over, too.) They came to me crying and screaming and claiming each had it first.

I sighed. I've tired lots of things when they fight over toys. Take the toys away, put the kids in time out, attempt to discern who really had the toy first to begin with and then set the timer so they can take turns.

But yesterday for some reason, the first thing that popped into my head was this: "Ok, the possession arrow goes to Baby R this time."

I was half kidding, but realized that this approach was pure genius! The next time they came to me about wanting Bert, I ruled in favor of S. It had no bearing on who really had it first. It didn't matter. I didn't have to try to figure it out. I didn't listen to any arguing. All I had to keep track of was who had the possession arrow.

The best part was that there was no post-decision tantrum, because it was over in a second. It was so liberating!

How about you? What's your approach to dealing with fights over toys?

Baby R and the Terrible Twos

Source: spdbloggernetwork.com via RGs' on Pinterest

Baby R is in the throes of the tantrum phase. It seems like everything makes her whine/cry/scream. Instead of saying what she wants done, or done differently, she melts down immediately. It's incredibly irritating. Sometimes it's the standard hungry or tired reaction. But sometimes, it's partially my own fault. When they are playing, if I'm doing housework or in another room and don't realize a disagreement is happening, I don't respond until there's screaming. I'm trying to be better about that, and I've been pretty firm about not letting her get her way when she tantrums.

The one thing about it is that she is very quick to forgive. Once she settles down, she will cry, "Mama! I want you!" I'll say, "I want you, too, honey. Are you done?" Sometimes she's not, and I let her know she needs to finish before I will pick her up. But after the storm passes, she'll sniffle and say, "Yeah" in her adorable little girl voice. I hold out my arms, and she climbs into me. "I love you, Mama." Heart. Melting. "I love you, too, baby."

I'm ready for the tantrums to end, but the making up part is so lovely, I wouldn't mind if they last a little bit longer.

Memories Captured

 

I find that the best photos of the girls occur when the set is the least favorable. As in this image of them sitting on the desk with messy cubbies behind them. If I were to have put them in front of a blank wall or a backdrop of some sort, I could have taken 100 shots and not one would have them both looking at the camera with their eyes open and smiling (though Baby R was at the end of hers here). But that's why it works well for the memories captured project because the words cover up a fair amount of the junk (and the Elf in the background which is why they were on the desk to begin with). Please link up with Galit and Alison and check out everyone's pics!

Thanksgiving

Design from Jaborandi Grove

Wednesday

I've posted about my love of Thanksgiving before. This year was wonderful, too, and I'm continually amazed at the blessings in our lives.  Unfortunately, my SIL's BFF's mom passed away suddenly this week. My SIL had not planned to come home for the holiday until she found out the funeral was yesterday. Wednesday night, S went with my FIL to pick up Auntie E from the airport. I think E was glad as her presence lightened the mood. They ended up having a conversation about what DH wears to bed. (Not sure how that subject came up. Not sure I want to know.) Anyway, here's the general idea:

S: Daddy sleeps nakeypants.
Auntie E: What do you mean? Does he where a shirt?
S: No.
Auntie E: Does he wear shorts?
S: No, just panties.

DH about died, and I cracked up when we heard about it. Can't blame S for not knowing that shorts are boxers or briefs, but clearly we need to have a conversation that explains the nuances of underwear terms.

Thursday

I always enjoy going to DH's family's Thanksgiving. It's his dad's side of the family, and about 30 of the 50 or so relatives were able to be there. Now that the cousins are having kids, there are little ones around to play with. S didn't want to leave when it was time to go because she was having too much fun. Love that!

The best part was when we said Grace before dinner. Everyone held hands in a huge circle that wound through the kitchen and dining room. I was holding Baby R so put her little hand in her teenage cousin's. DH's aunt began to say the blessing, and Baby R whispered "God is great, God is good, mumble mumble mumble food, Amen. God is great, God is good..." So sweet!

That night, Auntie E came over and chatted. We drank way too much wine and hung out with the neighbors for awhile by their fire pit. The weather was absolutely beautiful. I stumbled to bed around 2am. Oy...

Friday

In the morning, as expected, I was regretting my bedtime as well as the bottle and a half of vino I'd consumed. Small children have no ability to sleep in. Plus I needed to start baking since my family was coming over for Thanksgiving Round 2.

I realized I was missing an ingredient for the pumpkin pie, so I took the girls to the store for the fastest yet longest trip in my life. We walked in, I put them in the cart, and literally in front of me was the evaporated milk I needed. It was all I had come for, but decided to swing by the in-store Starbucks as I was in desperate need of some caffeine. While in line, the girls whined for apple juice which we had at home, and since we were leaving right after getting my coffee, I told them no.

And it began.

Huge tantrums by both of them. I finally got S calmed down, but then when it was time to get out of the cart, Baby R threw herself on the ground, kicking and screaming. I wasn't angry or embarrassed. I simply didn't have the energy to care.

I started walking toward the door and tossed a nonchalant, "Bye-bye!" her way. If it had been S, she would have come running. But Baby R didn't buy it. I stood by the automatic door, the heater blowing to push the cold air back outside, and looked at her for a minute. A cashier came over and asked if she was all right. I said, "She's fine. She's two. She's having a tantrum." I wanted to let her work it out, but I knew the employees didn't need to deal with it, so I snatched Baby R up and headed out.

For those of you who've never tried it, I don't recommend walking through a parking lot holding a hot cup of coffee, a grocery bag, a purse, the hand of your 4YO and a thrashing toddler. I'm just thankful none of the coffee spilled on the girls.

Thank goodness the Elf on the Shelf is back; S didn't remember her at first, but now that we've re-read the book and reiterated the correlation between good behavior and Santa bringing presents, she's back on board. Hopefully we can avoid a repeat of Friday morning.

Saturday

Nothing too exciting. My sister and BIL had spent the night with us Friday, so we had breakfast and then left for STL. It would have been nice if they could have stayed longer, but they had had a rough week. Their cat was hit by a car, my sis had a terrible week at work in NYC and was stuck on the runway of her return flight for a couple of hours, and she had to go back to NYC today. I don't blame them for wanting to get home and relax for a little bit.

DH and I finished cleaning up the house. I went in to my PT job for a couple of hours to make up being gone for the holiday. I did a little bit of work for Jaborandi Grove as it was the biggest shopping weekend of the year with Black Friday and Small Business Saturday as well as Cyber Monday coming up. It was hard to coordinate stuff for Etsy with the family stuff, but I'm still a small enough shop that it didn't matter much.

Sunday

Today we missed church as we had brunch with my in-laws for one last hurrah with Auntie E before she heads back to Cali tomorrow. We also drew names for Christmas presents. Tonight we put up the Christmas tree and some of the decorations. We all napped this afternoon so we were a bit late getting around to it. We'll have to finish up tomorrow.

It's fun to watch S start to remember things and see Baby R really take it in now that she's bigger. Though S is getting tricky with her questions about Santa already. Not sure how well I will do answering them.

While I did the dishes after supper, S was "talking" to Auntie E on the phone. She said she was sorry we hadn't invited her over to eat, but it was too late now. She chatted a few more minutes and then told me after she hung up that C (Auntie E's boyfriend) didn't want her to come back to Cali tomorrow, so she was going to stay with us tomorrow night and go back Tuesday. So funny!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Baby R

My beautiful girl. You are so amazing. You insist on keeping up with big sister, of course, like most younger siblings. But unlike most babies of the family, you don't let her talk for you. You talk more than she does at times. I think to show you can do just as much.

You like to go for the reaction - pretending to be a kitty cat, pretending to be asleep when it's time for me to get you out of the car, screeching an earsplitting cry when you are unhappy, hiding under Blankie Boo for as long as it takes for someone to ask where you are. Most of the time it makes me laugh. Reminds me of your Aunt J.

And you are so very sweet. You say Grace at every meal - often times more than once. You say, "Sorry, Sissy," when S is the one who is supposed to be apologizing. You said your baby had a wet diaper and started to take yours off to use for her. You offer to help pick up your toys. (I'm sure that won't last, but I'm enjoying it for now!) As a general rule, you are very agreeable. You don't even mind going to bed (though lately, the stalling has kicked into high gear).

There are definitely Terrible Two moments when you throw a tantrum for an inexplicable reason and can't be talked into calming down. No matter what we say, you answer negatively: Do you want to stay? No! Do you want to go? No! The fit you threw outside on Halloween that the neighbors several doors down heard - inside - was a doozie. But it turned out you were getting sick. And you still managed to last through the whole trick-or-treating excursion, saying "Trick-or-Treat!" and "Thank you!" at every door, and carrying your green, monster bucket which was so heavy it was dragging by the end of the night. I offered to carry it for you several times, but your teeny voice piped up, "No, I got it, Mama!'

Sometimes I'm better at being patient with you because I've been there before. Some days I am less patient because I'm being pulled by your sister, too. It's difficult to treat you both equally, but I'm trying. I love you both so very much. I'm enjoying having a crazy schedule right now, because I get Tuesday and Thursday mornings to spend one-on-one time with you. It's been such a rare opportunity until now, and often we spend it running errands, but it's fun to listen to you sing along with Veggie Tales and Laurie Berkner.

I love you, my sweetheart. I wish you happiness and joy in the coming year. Happy birthday.

Tempering My Temper

I remember being a kid and having screaming matches with my dad. On the one hand, I was a redhead (It's gotten darker over the years. Not sure I can even call it auburn anymore!), so I sort of wrote it off as being expected. On the other, I always wondered if it was because my dad was impatient, short-tempered and a yeller that it was a learned trait. Don't get me wrong - he's an AMAZING father. But his biggest regrets now are those times he fought with us. He apologizes all the time, so I've been trying really hard not to make the same mistakes. Especially since I thought I could just avoid teaching my kids those habits. Until I had S. I've mentioned it before, but she had her first tantrum at 4 months. So now knowing a lot more of it is innate and that I had managed to outgrow the outbursts (except for rare occasions) has helped me reconcile that part of me that I'm not too fond of.

At least, I thought I'd outgrown them.

I've found over the last few months that I am absolutely awful to S at times. I get so angry that I am shaking and have to walk away from her. I've even told her I have to put myself in time-out. I know part of it is that the last six months, she was 2.5-3 so she was pushing my buttons more, and Baby R was born so I was sleeping less. Certainly a dangerous combination. But lately I feel like Pandora's box has been opened, and I can't put the anger away. I'm set off by the tiniest things, and I overreact to her so often. It kills me to see that I've crushed her little soul. I know that words are more hurtful than anything because you never forget them. I try to bite my tongue and use "I" phrases - "I am very angry right now!" instead of "You are making me crazy!" Sometimes I'm successful. Sometimes I'm not. She's the most amazing child, and I know that her tenacity and fiery personality will be assets to her. I want to foster the positives and show her how to manipulate that temper into something wonderful. But I feel that I'm failing at doing that.

I know I need to do some things to help my mood - exercise, eat better, get more rest, do meditation/yoga. I need to do those things for more than just my temper, but this may be the biggest motivation I've found so far. Because I want my baby girl to know how much I love her; not think I'm constantly frustrated with her.

Date Night/First Night Away From Home

Saturday DH and I had a date night! I get frustrated because we never have a date night. I'm talking maybe 3 times a year. Everything I read/hear talks about how important it is to make time for your spouse, but it's like pulling teeth to get my husband to want to have a date night with me. That sounds terrible, but it's not that he doesn't want to spend time with me, he just thinks that being at home with each other and our munchkin is the same as being out with just each other. So since we need to have S stay at overnight at my parents' house when I'm in the hospital in a couple of weeks delivery Baby R, we did a trial run Saturday which gave us a perfect chance for one of those rare date nights.

As usual, it didn't end up being as elaborate as our original plan. We were supposed to go to the Melting Pot. Of course, when I asked DH last Monday if he had made reservations, he said no. So when I called to do so, they didn't have anything available until 9:30pm. We are midweasterners. Not only are we midwestern, but we also have a toddler with a 7:30pm bedtime. Therefore, we eat dinner early. Not quite old people early, but certainly at a time that does not make 9:30pm an acceptable option to our stomachs. So we went to plan "B", dinner and a movie. The dinner was just going to be at 54th Street Grill or Chili's or TGIFriday's - nothing super fancy, but a sit-down restaurant. The plan was to drop S of at my parents' around 5pm, have dinner around 6pm and make it to the theater for the 7:10pm showing.

S and I had a fantastic day while DH was helping his friend move. She helped me clean in the morning, we walked to the park and played, then had lunch and took a nap. She didn't have a single fit all day. She ended up napping longer than we planned, and DH was still helping his friend move, so we decided to skip dinner and just go to the movie. I dropped S off at my parents' house around 6pm with high hopes that she would have a good night since she was an angel all day. DH and I headed to the theater. We saw "Couple's Retreat". It was really good. I was surprised that there was very little vulgarity and a fair amount of real-life relationship issues addressed. DH said as we were leaving, "No more chick flicks disguised as comedies!" He was teasing, but it was definitely more romantic than we expected - a nice surprise for me. :)

We got home and it was so quiet. I had planned on going to bed early, but I had so much energy since I hadn't had our usual bedtime struggle, I mean routine, that I did a little cleaning and watched some shows I needed to get off the DVR, so I was a little late getting to bed. I didn't sleep very well. Partially due to pregnancy issues - having to get up to pee 4-5 times at night, being uncomfortable on my left side the whole time, etc. - but also because a couple of times I imagined I heard S calling for me. I missed that little munchkin. It was nice to have a little time to ourselves, but I was looking forward to seeing her, too.

Sunday morning I wanted to pick her up early since it was her first time away, so we stopped to get her a sprinkle donut (a special treat for being such a big girl!) and then headed to my parents' house around 8am. We got there and were surprised to find everyone was still asleep. S is usually up by 7:30am at the latest. My dad woke up and told me how their night had gone. Not well. She didn't go to sleep til around 11pm, then she was up from about 4am-6am. Ugh! Not what I wanted to hear. I felt terribly! My poor parents! So my dad said he'd call when she woke up, and we left. About an hour later he called, and I went to pick her up. She was a terror all day Sunday since she was tired. My old roommate and his wife and son came over for lunch, and S, who is normally pretty good about sharing her toys, was cranky and bossy and hogging them. After lunch she took a good long nap, and then we went to HyVee. I had hoped she'd be in a better mood, but no. She had a little fit when we first got there, and I told her if she didn't behave, we'd just have to go home, and she finally settled down and was good for the rest of the trip. But then on the way home, she was being a pain. Bedtime didn't go well last night either, but at least she was out by 9pm. And she woke up a few times in the night, but she slept in til 7:30am. Hoping tonight will be better, and she'll get back on schedule, and we can just deal with the usual sleep issues.

Notes

Life has finally settled down for us now that we our housewarming party over the weekend. It was mostly a success. I was exhausted and not ready when it started, but I think everyone enjoyed themselves, and we had fun, so it was fine. So this post is to catch up on a few things I've wanted to make note of the last several weeks but haven't had time.

S has really gotten into making her bed. While I'm sure it will be short-lived, I'm trying to encourage it. It's difficult because we inevitably are running late in the mornings, so that's the one thing I end up skipping. But if we don't make the beds, she says, "It's a mess!"

Something she's been fond of for almost a year is crawling into the pantry and hiding. She started at my parents' house - Dad calls it her office. So when we moved into our house, she was excited to discover we have a pantry now. Ours is a little different and doesn't really have the space for her to sit in it, though, so she's only gotten in it a couple of times. One of those times I was sitting at the kitchen table and she wanted me to get in the pantry with her. I told her, "Oh honey, Mama's too big." She said in a matter-of-fact way, "Get small, Mama!" I told her that's my plan after we have this baby...

I had a day where two funny things happened in the morning. As I was in the turn lane waiting to get on the highway, I saw one of those signs in the median that people advertise on, usually for garage sales or lawn mowing. But that day the one I saw read: "Backed up like traffic? Call us about the benefits of colon cleansing." I had to laugh out loud. Then I got to work and was checking my email when I had my second laugh. I get tons of email forwards a day, lots of great ones, but one that I saw that morning just really tickled me. It said: "If you receive an email from the Department of Health telling you not to eat canned pork because of swine flu, ignore it. It's just Spam."

Patrick Swayze passed away last week. Of course everyone knows him from "Dirty Dancing", but I think my favorite role of his was in "North & South". Back when the mini-series was popular on TV, that was a huge hit. He had been fighting pancreatic cancer for the last year, so it didn't come as a complete surprise, but still sad. He spent a fair amount of time pinned up on my wall with River Phoenix, Johnny Depp and Jon Bon Jovi, among others.

Last week was hectic with trying to get ready for the party Saturday. I had tried to keep the to-do list at a reasonable level for each day so I wouldn't be stressed or worn out. And had I been able to do the list each day, it would have been fine. But a 3 ft. munchkin was not on the same page. She didn't go to bed til 9:30pm three of the nights. Ugh! I ended up staying up til midnight a couple of nights, so Saturday I was tired and stressed - the exact opposite of my goal. S had a bday party to go to at 10am so my DH took her - hallelujah! My mom came over and helped me get stuff ready. The bday party was a blast. It was at a park and a fire truck came, and S just had a great time playing at the park and on the truck. I was sorry to have missed it. Plus I forgot to send the camera with DH!

The hope had been that after the party, he could take her to get some lunch and then she'd fall asleep on the way home and could nap before the party started at 3pm. She actually fell asleep on the way to lunch, so DH just brought her home. Unfortunately, she woke up when they came inside. So after lunch I told her she and Mommy needed to take a nap. I was really stressing at this point. There was only an hour and a half til the party started - I needed that nap time for finishing things up. Of course she didn't want to nap, nor did she want to change her diaper. I was so tired and stressed and impatient with her, and she was throwing one of her colossal tantrums. I told her she would get spanked if she didn't let me change her diaper, and that's exactly what happened. She laid still long enough for me to get the one off, but started bucking before I could get the new one on. My mom was helping me, and I finally asked her to just hold her down, she was so out of control. I was getting out of control, too, and yelling at her. She was turning purple, she was so enraged. By the time I finally got her diaper on, I was crying, and she kicked me when she was flailing, and my mom was worried about the baby, so she was crying. It was a complete disaster. I have felt like a bad mom before, but this was the worst. At this point, DH came upstairs and I had to walk away, I just couldn't take it. I went downstairs and my mom came with me and gave me a big hug. This was an hour before the party was to start. She still needed to go home to get cleaned up. So she and my dad got ready to leave, and DH had brought S downstairs. She was in her half-calmed down phase where she sniffles and can answer yes or no, but if she starts to try to say anything, her little voice gets so squeaky we can't understand her and she gets mad all over again and starts to cry. She finally got out that she wanted to go with Grandma and Papa. I asked them if that was ok and hoped that she'd fall asleep on the way there. They were wonderful and took her, and she did fall asleep, and she did take a nice long nap, thank goodness!

I pulled myself together and tried to finish getting things set up, but I didn't quite ever get done before people got there. So it was a little disorganized and chaotic in the beginning, but I think everyone ended up enjoying it for the most part. My friends from Iowa were in town and stayed in our guest room that night, so that was great to get to use it right away. :) My parents brought S back with them, and she was a little discombobulated at first - she'd left an empty house and returned to a full one - but once she settled in, she had fun playing with the kids. I was so relieved.

Yesterday morning we had breakfast with my friends, and then they left to do some househunting (they are planning to move back from IA - yea!). My DH went to a friend's house to watch football all day, and S and I just chilled out. After our nap we were getting ready to go to the park when our neighbors on the north side stopped by. They had been out of town when we first moved in and had been sick the last few weeks but wanted to bring us something to welcome us (pumpkin bread - yum!). They were really nice. I knew that the woman who had lived in our house before us had only been there a year, but the couple who owned the house before her were the original owners. They are the ones who put in all the nice extra touches. I just love our neighborhood - everyone is very friendly!

Last night when we were getting ready for bed, I had just put her Pull-Up on (We started using those at night last week because she soaked through her regular diaper all over the bedspread and sheets two nights in a row.), when she said she had to poop. I said that it was ok, she could go in her Pull-Up. She said she wanted to sit on the potty. I said ok we'll get it out of the box then! So DH got it out and we set it up and she sat down like a big girl. I really didn't expect anything to happen, but she did manage to toot a couple of times. After a few minutes, I told her it was ok, we'd just try again tomorrow, but she really wanted to be successful last night. She kept wanting to try more. I think part of it is just her determined spirit, but I know some of it was her way of delaying bed time. But I was glad to finally be able to have the potty chair out for her so she can use it when she wants for now.

This morning, I asked S what she wanted for breakfast. Here is how that conversation went:
Me: Do you want some fruit?
S: No.
Me: Some cereal?
S: No.
Me: Some pumpkin bread?
S: No.

We looked in the fridge.

S: I want this!" (hot sauce)
Me: (sigh) Honey, what are you going to put that on?
S: Chicken.
Me: We don't have any chicken. (thinking) Oh, but we do have turkey. Do you want some turkey?
S: Yes!

She ended up wanting BBQ sauce instead of the hot sauce, so I went ahead and put the chicken and BBQ sauce on a plate and got myself some pumpkin bread. Then of course she wanted some pumpkin bread, too. So I got the half-eaten slice we'd saved in a sandwich bag from yesterday. There was also half a cookie in there. She wanted the cookie. At this point, I just didn't care. Plus she was eating turkey which is big because she's not much of a meat-eater. So she picked up the cookie and said, "Dip it?" I said, "Ew, no. Well, try it if you want to, but I don't think you'll like it." She did, and I cringed, and she said, "It's good!" And continued to eat the remainder of the chocolate chip cookie by dipping it in BBQ sauce before each bite. Blech! In the meantime, I was putting together my lunch, and she wanted some of the grapes, so I gave those to her as well. Which she also dipped....

The mealtime process is a mess right now. She has decided she doesn't want to sit on her booster chair any more. Which doesn't bother me except she's started getting down out of her chair before she's done eating. She knows she's not allowed to get down til she's done, so I'll ask her if she's sure she doesn't want any more to eat, and she'll say, "No. Save it in the fridge." Ok, fine. But then two minutes later, she'll want something to eat. I'm not playing this game. Going to have to figure out a good way to get her to stay put until she really is done eating.

I'm excited that tonight I have nothing that I have to get done. I need to finish tidying up from the party, but I'm going to let it wait until tomorrow. The season premiers for "How I Met Your Mother," "Big Bang Theory," and "Heroes" are on tonight. Funny to think that just a few years ago, I didn't watch tv - didn't even have cable....

Terrible Two's and Tantrums - Nature Vs. Nurture

Oh, the joys of this stage! For us, the “terrible two's” actually really got going at about 18 months, although our precious baby girl's first tantrum was when she was 4 months old (seriously???).

For me, the most difficult part about the “terrible two's” is how to handle those tantrums. I've read all the advice, and I know I should ignore it or put her in time out or just wait it out. I know it's best to try to head them off by making sure she's feeling like we're spending enough time together, she's getting enough rest, making sure she's had enough to eat, etc. but I still struggle with it. Unfortunately, it feels like nothing works, but it does make it a little easier to know I'm not the only one with a kid I adore but who I secretly want to briefly disown at these times. Certainly not a thought I expected to have when I envisioned motherhood!

In that respect, having a child has been more than I expected - more exasperating, more fun, more frustrating, more joyful, more heart-wrenching, more fulfilling. It has also given me more empathy and knocked me off of my When-I-Have-A-Kid-She'll-Never pedestal. I think the biggest surprise has been that it has opened up my mind in so many ways. As we grow and age, we learn things and file them away in categories in our brains to make life simpler, but narrower. Watching a child start learning from the beginning, all those things we once knew and decided weren't important, or we had made a decision about, and forgot the other options, are back on the table. One of issues (I thought) I had pretty well ironed out for myself was the old nature vs. nurture debate.

When I was in high school and college, I took Intro to Psychology, I read my Freud. I actually have a friend who's an identical twin who was adopted by a family separately from her sister, and they've had studies done on them. Through all this I determined that while there are certainly good arguments for both sides, the environment plays a slightly larger role in the personality department, including temperament. I've done a complete 180 since we had our daughter. When she had that first tantrum, though I was sleep-deprived and had spent a bit of time crying with her when she was colicky, I had not raised my voice or been angry in front of her yet. This was clearly not something she had learned from us. Well, then maybe it wasn't really a tantrum, I mean, what baby has a tantrum at that age? At first I was taken aback by the thought, too - surely she was just colicky. But no, after a minute or two, it was very clear - our little redhead was definitely having a tantrum.

Knowing my own (also redheaded) temperament, and that of the rest of my family, her surprise tantrum started to explain things a bit. My dad and I are both hotheaded. I remember as a kid having screaming matches with him ending in doors slamming as we went our separate ways to cool off. But when we had calmed down and rejoined the living room, we would apologize when needed and move on. My mom and my sister are more stewers who, when upset, are quiet and short with their answers, but take much longer to really stop being angry. I think because growing up I was more of a Daddy's girl and my sister was closer to my mom, I thought a lot of that was learned. And I'm sure a fair amount of it was - if I had been adopted by two mellow parents, I probably would have managed to control my temper earlier in life. But seeing our baby girl enraged at such a young age, I realized that more of it is innate than I had thought. Maybe the idea that redheads have tempers isn't so much because they are redheaded, but because they are genetically predisposed to have short tempers in equal proportion to the odds of their hair color being red?

Regardless of the genetics behind it, the tantrums are a trial for us, as for any parents. But witnessing her tantrums, and struggling to stay calm and not overreact to them, brings those faded memories of my own angry times to the surface. And that combined with my newly revised opinion about nature's role in her temperament has helped me to have a more understanding perspective. It's also testing my own anger management and providing a learning opportunity for me - as most parenting issues do! At this point, when she's having a tantrum, I just try to give her space and time to get it out of her system. And I'm working on teaching her words for her feelings and how to handle them appropriately. It's very difficult, and I don't feel like we're making any progress. But I also realize that I need to give it time for her to start understanding these concepts. I know it was many years before I was (better) able to control my temper. That's a depressing thought in some ways (dreading the inevitable teen years!), but encouraging in the sense that I know that through the counterpoint of nurturing, it's not an permanent character flaw; we will be able to help her corral it and use it as a strength. And for me, I just try to hold on to the small signs of progress, like how I've been telling her for 6 months not to throw things in mid-tantrum, and now sometimes she won't. Other than that, I just pray for patience and remind myself that this, too, shall pass...

Home Sweet Home!

Love, love, LOVE our house. After moving Saturday in nearly hundred degree weather, we were wiped out, but glad to be home. Thank goodness we have such good friends to help us. I keep discovering more things about the house that I adore. It's funny because when we were looking for one, we'd see ones I'd like and DH would say it just didn't feel like home. I kept telling him it wouldn't til we moved in. But then we found this one, and it just feels meant to be. I'm so glad I listened to him. :)

Poor S - things were such a whirlwind for her. Saturday I took her to my in-law's to nap, but she was too wound up, so she didn't nap that day. On Sunday afternoon, I took her to my parents' house to nap, so I could get some stuff done at the house, and she didn't sleep then either. The hand-me-down washing machine we moved in ended up not working, so when I went to pick her up, I brought the bed sheets and some towels to wash at my mom's so we'd be set for the night and morning since that was our first night in the house. In the meantime, I'd asked DH to hang a curtain in S's room (she really can't sleep when it's so light out), but he couldn't find the drill bits. So I asked my dad if I could borrow his. He couldn't find his either since stuff had been shuffled when we moved our stuff in. So I asked my half-sister if I could borrow hers. She was fine with it, but was in the middle of something, so it was 6:45 before we could meet up. So, I took S to meet her, and on the way, she fell asleep. I got the drill bits, took the laundry home, got there, and DH was gone. I didn't want S to wake up, so I left the car running and stayed out front with her. I had to wait for DH to get home to put up the curtain and make the bed. Finally got that done, carried her upstairs and she woke up when we put her in bed. Poor kid was disoriented - last time she'd been in there, there was no curtain, and she didn't know where she was. I told her we were in her new pink room, and it was night-night time, and she started crying saying she wanted to sleep at Papa's. I finally got her settled down and to sleep. But she woke up in the night, so I just stayed in there with her. So I didn't get a very good sleep. Plus she woke up at 5am Monday morning. Ugh. Tried to get her back to sleep for an hour, but gave up at 6am and got up. But the two or so hours I spent in my bed, were heaven! Back to a queen instead of a full, nice firm mattress, ahhhh.

Last night she did better, but it was about 9pm before she fell asleep. She stayed that way til about 5am, though, and then I went in and laid down with her for about an hour. She slept til 7am - yea! Hopefully it will only take a couple more nights for her to get on track. Some of it is legitimate, but some is just her getting better at stalling. Either she really developed a fear of the dark overnight (which I have heard can happen) or she was just messing with me last night. She wanted her nightlight on, then the door left open, then the hall light on, etc. And every... single... step... of our routine was stalwarted in some way. Amazingly I was very patient with her. I had not been the previous Thursday night. The "one time" stall has been going on for quite awhile, but lately she's been wanting to give everything kisses good night. Which is fine, but the box her toys were packed in? I don't think so. I was trying so hard not to laugh at her different farfetched attempts.

Nooo-oooo

Within the last few days S has definitely hit the "no" stage. She said it before, but just as a regular response. Now everything is no. It's pretty cute because when she says it, she drags it out and the intonation goes up at the end. "Are you Mommy's sunshine?" "Nooo-oooo." "Do you want something to eat?" "Nooo-oooo." I was losing appreciation for the cuteness by the end of the weekend, though. Particularly when I would ask something that wasn't a yes or no question: "Do you want to put your pajamas on first or brush your teeth?" "Nooo-oooo." I think I'm going to spend a lot of time praying for patience going forward.... :)

This weekend was pretty busy. DH's great-uncle passed away, so we went to the wake Friday night, and he went to the funeral Saturday. They had the rosary Sat, too, so between that and the luncheon after, he was gone a good part of the day. We had a showing Friday and two on Sunday. For Vday, he made me dinner (steak - yum!) and got me flowers which was sweet, but I had packed away all the vases, so I had to borrow one from the neighbor. :) Sunday we went to our nephew's bday brunch, and then to see our friends' new baby girl. Then we went to my parents' so S could take a nap during the second showing. It was busy, but I didn't get much done, ie, laundry and groceries. Ah well, that will have to happen tonight, I guess!

Family and friends

Yesterday we met my dad's side of the family for lunch in Ottawa. Aunt M had organized it all since S was visiting from Alaska and K was visiting from Australia. I recognized a few people, but we don't see that side much - Dad's Dad's relatives. My DH, DD and I went with Dad (Mom wasn't feeling up to it). Then last night we went to C's to meet her fiance. He seems really nice. They're planning a June wedding. It was fun to see all the girls and their families. One of the girls found out she has gestational diabetes, so that's a bummer. So far she's just having to test her blood sugar several times a day and take medication. Hopefully she won't have to have insulin shots. They're monitoring her closely now, so she'll have weekly visits until her due date, 2/22.

Some of S's favorite things to do right now: twirl in a circle until she gets dizzy, carry around her purse, wear her sparkly red shoes that Daddy bought her, "talk" on her phone, climb stairs, sit on the step stool, take things in and out, eat watermelon. Things she does not like: being dressed, being buckled into her carseat/stroller, etc. - basically anything she can't do by herself or that restrains her. She's able to eat thick oatmeal with a spoon on her on, and has mastered eating some things (like watermelon) with a fork. She loves to help - she wipes everything with tissues to "clean", and tries to sweep with her kid-sized broom she got for Christmas. We just took the tray off her booster high chair so now she's eating at the table. We ordered a bedroom set for her so her bed will be here in a few weeks. She's getting to be such a big girl! For the most part, she is such a joy, but she definitely has a strong will and quick temper and lately tantrums have become frequent - terrible twos already! But she's also become more snuggly. She and Daddy do eskimo and butterfly kisses. And she loves to hug and give kisses. We are so blessed to have her!!