This is the final entry of a 4 part story. For part 1, please click here. For part 2, please click here. For part 3, please click here.
January 21, 2012
Considering the stories I had been told, it seemed to me that the bleeding was never much more than a regular period. Until today. Which I thought was odd since it's been several days since it happened.
I was visiting my friend who was in that horrible air show accident in Reno last summer. She's doing really well. She's been working from home but will be going back to her office next week. Her prosthesis should be ready in the next couple of weeks.
Anyway, while I was sitting there chatting, I felt a surge of blood. It soaked through my pad, and I could feel it spreading across my jeans within a couple of minutes. I excused myself and went to the bathroom, got cleaned up, and thankfully, stopped bleeding.
When I got home I decided to call the doctor. He told me that it's normal after the medication I took on Wednesday to have a gush. If usually happens between two hours after to a few days after. I felt much better. Well, mentally anyway. Physically, I was wiped out. I finally told the girls I just needed to rest for a little bit on the couch. Then I started having pains, so DH got some hydrocodone for me, and I ended up staying there for the rest of the day. I felt better after dinner though.
It seemed fairly simple - not that I want to do it again, but it wasn't as physically painful as I had imagined. Granted, I also knew it was coming so had pretty strong drugs to help me through it, not to mention supportive family and friends, and God's peace surrounding me when I needed it most.
It's amazing to me how different people and things were put in my path in this time. The opportunity to meet with my friend - she's been through the most horrific thing imaginable, and still has an incredibly positive outlook. She's been back in KC for a couple of months, but the date we had set to meet was today. I had no idea last week when we planned it that between making our plans and actually meeting up I would go through this. Seeing her today couldn't have been at a better time.
Also incredible is that I just finished reading the book "The Hiding Place" by Corrie Ten Boom. I had never heard of this book, even though it is 40 years old. My best friend told me about it at Christmastime. I tried to check it out from the library before New Year's, but there was a waiting list. It wasn't available for me to start reading until - you guessed it - a few days before my miscarriage. It's about a woman who was in the Nazi concentration camps for hiding Jews and was able to give thanks for everything in spite of the unimaginable atrocities she endured. So inspiring.
And so I am trying to give thanks for everything - "even the fleas" as Corrie and her sister did. I know God has a plan, and everything will work out. Thank you all for your kind words and support.
This is the third of a 4 part story. For part 1, please click here. For part 2, please click here.
January 18, 2012
Yesterday, I decided to go to my regular night job shift a little early since my FIL was taking the girls to the airport to drop off my SIL who has been visiting the last few days. I spoke to my boss and let him know what was going on and that I may not show up to work one night for obvious reasons. I left there and stopped by my office because I needed to print off some personal emails, but couldn't access them because my account had been hacked earlier in the day. I thought I had fixed it by resetting the password but Hotmail locked me out anyway. Frustrated, I headed back home to meet friends to carpool to bunko.
One of them, SJK, knows what's going on. I had called her last night to tell her while I was downing half a pint of Ben & Jerry's Phish Food that DH was kind enough to run to the store for. (I'm a comfort eater.)
Anyway, we carpooled with two other ladies, so I didn't get to talk to her about it much. But I was so grateful she was with me because around 8pm, I started cramping. At 8:30pm, I had to run to the bathroom. I was bleeding pretty heavily, and I heard a loud "plop" - it was starting. I kept it together surprisingly well, though when I came back out to the kitchen, I couldn't look at SJK, because I knew she would be able to tell from looking at my face, and I would break down. I asked her if she had any ibuprofen, and swallowed four quickly.
We had just finished a round and were debating starting another one, so I begged off. We had dessert and wrapped things up, heading out into the bitter cold.
When we got back to my house and the others had gone, I told SJK what she had already surmised. She hugged me and wished me well. I headed in to the house.
I let DH know. He asked if there was anything he could do for me, but there wasn't yet. I couldn't find our heating pad like the OB had suggested, but I did find a lavender wrap we have that can be warmed in the microwave. I got into bed, and prepared myself for a few hours of pain and sadness.
Oddly enough, they didn't come. I was uncomfortable, but not curled in a ball moaning. And though I bled, it was more like a regular period than the gushing I'd been expecting. I finally fell asleep.
This morning, I woke up and felt like there was still unfinished business. I wasn't sure what to do. Call the doctor? Wait and see if anything more happened this morning once I was up and moving? Go to work?
In the end I decided to go to work mostly because I needed to tell my boss what was going on and meet a friend for lunch.
Lunch ended and still nothing more had happened. I called the doctor, and they said to come right in. I let DH know and was sure they would have to do a DNC to finish the job that Mother Nature had started.
The nurse did a sonogram to verify, and it all looked clear. Since I felt weird, though, to be positive everything was completely cleaned out, she sent me home with a med to do the job and hydrocondone for the pain that would go with it.
I waited to we got the girls in bed, then took the pain meds before placing the prescription under my tongue. She had said it would take about 30 minutes to dissolve and get started, so I watched "Modern Family" to keep my mind in a semi-vegetative state, distracted from the process my body was going through.
The lavender wrap and hydrocodone helped, but it was severe enough that I got out my iPad for multi-tasking distraction. DH rubbed my lower back while we watched "CSI," and that helped, too.
At 10pm, I took 3 ibuprofen as directed to overlap the hydrocodone doses and help with the interim. But even though I set an alarm for a second dose of the heavy stuff at midnight, I was afraid of falling asleep and missing it and being in too much pain to get it back under control. So I started writing today's entry. And wouldn't you know it, the alarm just sounded. Time to take my meds, read my Bible and pray, and to try to sleep.
This is the second of a 4 part story. For part 1, please click here.
When I called DH from the doctor's office, I knew he would be in his morning meeting. I left him a message and told him I'd be home around 10am, and to call me as soon as he could. He called around 10:15am and was already in the car on his way home. I have never been so thankful for him.
When he got home, I filled him in on the details. He choked up when he asked if they could tell if it was a boy or a girl. I told him it was too soon to tell. He asked if there was anything we could have done differently. I told him no, and even though I know it's true, I had briefly thought, except maybe if I hadn't worked out Saturday, or if I hadn't let myself get so stressed. But part of me had wondered last week if we were trying to force something that wasn't meant to be. The OB had even said that sometimes when our hormone levels are low, it's just our body needing a little help. But sometimes they are low because our body is trying to resolve something that's not going to work on its own.
DH and I sat on the couch, holding hands and leaning on each other. I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen him cry. I was a little surprised that he had gotten so attached so quickly. And so, so very thankful that I wasn't going through this alone.
I had texted a friend who has been through this - a couple of times, unfortunately - to ask her what she had told her girls as they had been around the same age as ours with her last loss. She called me as soon as she had a break at school. It was wonderful to hear her voice and advice. She told me it would suck for a long time. Then it would get better. Then August would come and DH wouldn't understand why I was upset. I would tell him because it was the baby's due date, and he wouldn't get it. And I told her that's when I'd call her. Though, after how emotional he was today, I might be surprised by him again when that time comes.
He went to pick up the girls at lunchtime. By then I was able to be calm. While we were eating, I told them we had some sad news. We weren't going to have a baby after all. S asked why. I told her that it just wasn't the right time. I was prepared for her to be upset, but I should have known she would just want to know more. She asked me where the baby was, how it got out, couldn't it just stay there and start growing again when it was ready, etc. Thankfully, she wasn't as upset as I had feared. She's definitely disappointed, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be.
After lunch we all napped. When S got up, she wanted to play with the neighbor boy, P. DH took her outside and chatted with P's parents while they were on the swing set while I stayed in and waited for Baby R to wake up. Apparently, S told P that we weren't going to have a baby anymore. He said, "What happened to Baby R?" Leave it to kids to bring the funny to a seemingly humorless situation.
I apologize for the length of this entry. I have broken it up going forward, but due to the nature of the outcome of this portion of the story, I felt it necessary to contain it in this first post.
December 21, 2011
I'm not good at keeping secrets. I mean, I can keep other people's to myself, but my own secrets - those are hard for me. Especially this one. It's been wearing on me. I feel so many emotions about it, and I want to talk it through. I haven't even told DH yet. Writing is the only catharsis available to me now, so that will have to do.
I'm late. My first reaction was panic. I'm about to be laid off completely from my main job. I won't have insurance. Things are already tight financially as it is. Will DH be mad at me for letting this happen? Then I think, it takes two to tango, honey. But I still feel like an irresponsible teenager.
At the same time, I'm ecstatic. We've been discussing a third baby but had put the idea on hold because of my job situation. But I'm not getting any younger, so I'm excited that it's happened.
Which brings me to my next emotion: guilt. I feel terrible that I'm even having this inner dilemma, because I have so many friends struggling with infertility, and I should feel nothing but blessed.
And then there's the fear. Fear that something will go wrong. We're messing with fate. We have two beautiful, healthy baby girls. What if something happens with this third one? What if it is the boy DH wants, but it has a serious health problem? What if we should have just been content with our perfect foursome?
Part of me knows it's the hormones. But part of me knows it's true.
• • • • •
December 25, 2011
Last night while DH and my brother-in-law were dropping off a new couch at my parents' house that we had gotten them for a Christmas gift from Santa, I took a pregnancy test. It was positive. I knew it would be, but the finality of the results was still a little unnerving. I wrapped it with a note and laid it on DH's pillow.
When we finally got to bed at 2am after a flat tire on the way home from his aunt's house, getting the overnight casserole I found on Pinterest put together and doing our Santa duties, he saw it. I told him I was giving it to him then because I wasn't sure what his reaction would be. He opened it and said, "I'm not sure what my reaction is either." But he was smiling. I imagine he feels the same way I do. Then he said in his fake, tough-guy voice, "It better be a boy this time." I knew everything was going to be ok.
• • • • •
December 26th, 2011
We told the girls at dinner tonight.
Me: "Girls, Mommy and Daddy have some exciting news. We're going to have another baby."
S: Groans. "Another baby?"
Me: "You don't want another baby?"
S: "No."
Baby R: (Has to follow whatever big sister does.) "No."
DH: "Would you rather have another sister or a brother?"
S: "Another sister!"
Me: "It's fun having a sister, isn't it?"
S: "Yeah!"
A few minutes later.
S: "Who's tummy is it going to come out of?"
Me: "Mommy's tummy, honey."
S: "Aw, I want it to come out of Daddy's tummy!"
DH laughs.
Me: "Well, sweetie, babies only come out of mommy tummies."
• • • • •
December 30th, 2011
I've been spotting the last couple of days. I'm debating if I should call the doctor to see if I can have my blood tests done today instead of waiting til my appointment next Friday. All the stuff I see online says it isn't unusual, so I'm going to wait for now.
• • • • •
December 31st, 2011
S wants to name the baby the same first name as her with Santa as a middle name. I told her we'd talk about it. She wanted to know when we could feel the baby kick, and I told her it wouldn't be for a few months. She asked more questions so I got out my "What to Expect" book and showed her the sketches at the beginning of the first month and second month and read the description saying that the embryo is only 1-inch long. She put her hand on my stomach and told the baby she loved it. My heart wanted to burst with love for her.
• • • • •
January 1, 2012
DH has been under the weather the last few days, so we had vacillated about what we were going to do for New Year's Eve. Yesterday afternoon, he decided he felt well enough for us to go to a party we'd been invited to, but we couldn't find anyone to watch the girls on such short notice, so I stayed home while he stopped by for a little bit. When he got home, we watched a couple of episodes of "Criminal Minds" because we're trying to clear off the DVR since we're switching our cable back to Time Warner next week. It was a super exciting evening. Especially when I started worrying about the spotting since it seemed heavier and pinker.
Today, I called the OB about it. She told me to come in first thing Tuesday to have some bloodwork done. At first, I was thinking, "Tuesday? That's two days from now. Shouldn't I go to an ER or something?" But then she eased my fears by saying that since I wasn't cramping or gushing blood, not to worry too much as 50% of pregnant women do bleed through their first trimester. She told me to take it easy - not bedrest, but no unnecessary activity. That alone seemed to help.
Last night I was up until after 1am, not because it was New Year's, but because I was worried and playing out horrific scenarios in my mind. But this morning I remembered to give it over to God, and I've had a great peace about it. Why don't I remember to do that in the first place?
• • • • •
January 4, 2012
The doctor's office called today with my test results. My progesterone was low: 7.2 (supposed to be between 9 & 47), and my HcG was also low: 5,252 (should be 7,650 - 229,000 for where I think I am in my cycle). They want to check my levels again tomorrow, but in the meantime put me on a progesterone script that seems to be helping. I'll be 8 weeks Friday when I go for my first official checkup. If I can just get through 4 more, I should be in a more stable place.
DH and I hatched a plan last night that incorporates our current situation, and if we can make it work, would be ideal. He suggested telling my boss that I don't need to go back to full-time status if I can keep my benefits the way things have been, and offering to change my hours from Monday/Wednesday/half-day-Friday to everyday from 10am-2pm. That would be better for my clients if I was there every day, and it would probably be easier on my parents to only have the girls half days (part of which corresponds with nap time). Then we talked about him taking over my part-time night job since he could probably work 15-20 hours/week in comparison to my 12, so I could focus more time on my Etsy shop.
When I dropped the girls off at my parents' house this morning, I mentioned it to my dad and he said he doesn't think they can watch the girls much longer. It's just too hard on them; they're 70. I understand, but was feeling a bit deflated.
Then I got to the office and one of my co-workers said he'd discussed the state of the company with the owner Tuesday, and the long and short of it is that if we don't get one of the projects we're trying to cultivate to come in soon, we'll be closing the doors at the end of the month. That completely knocked the wind out of my sails.
All I can do is laugh.
• • • • •
January 5, 2012
DH came home today and told me his boss let him know the owner wants to go in a different direction. DH will be let go sometime between tomorrow and three months from now.
All I can do now? Is cry.
• • • • •
January 7, 2012
Yesterday I had my first actual OB appointment. More blood, but at least she got it on the first try instead of the third. My arms look like pin cushions after three days of blood draws! The sonogram looked like I was only 6 weeks so they want me to come back in 2 weeks to verify. Currently my due date is August 21. The nurse and I had a good laugh over the fact that when I went to my yearly in October we talked about getting me on birth control. And then I cried when she asked me if things were better at work. She gave me some more hormone samples and prenatal samples and told me to just get the cheapest script for vitamins with DHA.
Today I went to pick up my prescriptions and the cheapest prenatal was $40/month. And my insurance doesn't even cover the hormone script, so it was $300. I bought the vitamins but passed on the hormones and will call the doc on Monday to see if there's anything else I can take instead.
• • • • •
January 15, 2012
I was able to get a different prescription, but I have been spotting again. I tried to workout one day, but that made it worse. I think it would be better if I was less stressed, and working out helps that, but it didn't seem to help my uterus as much as I would have liked, so trying to take it easy.
S has suggested a new name for the baby. Bug Belle Santa. She is so funny!
I decided I love the name Amelia, but I can't bring myself to use it since it was the third most popular name last year. Sigh. Of course, if it's a boy, we won't have to worry about it. We'll see. DH likes Madeleine for a girl, but we already know several kids with that name.
• • • • •
January 16, 2012 (Martin Luther King, Jr. Day)
The spotting turned red around 1am. I had a mild cramp and passed two tiny clots. I went to bed, and tried to lie very still in the hopes that maybe I had just overdone it this weekend. Maybe if I just rested, the baby could hold on.
As I fell asleep, the chorus from David Crowder Band's song, "He Loves Us" ran through my head. We sang it in church yesterday:
Oh, how He loves us, so
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves
S came to our room around 6:30am. I told her it was too early to get up, and she could snuggle with me or go back to her bed. She crawled under the covers, and we laid on our sides facing each other. She wrapped her tiny arm and leg around me, because she wanted to "snuggle with the baby." She cooed at my belly and told it how much Big Sister loved it. It took all my strength to hold back the tears. "You would have been so loved," I thought to myself.
I dropped the girls off at my parents' house, and called the OB's office on my way to work. After I told them what was going on, they told me to come right in.
As I sat in the exam room waiting for the doctor, I focused on those lyrics. I'd been hearing them every waking moment this morning. It was a great comfort.
The OB came in and started the sonogram. As soon as the image appeared, it verified what I already knew in my soul. My perfect bean-shaped baby was nestled in its little home. Motionless. There was no heartbeat. Tears were already sliding down my temple into my ears when the doctor spoke the words.
She let me know my options, then gave me some time to call my husband and get dressed and cry. I decided to let the miscarriage just happen on its own. In the meantime, I have to figure out how to tell S. It will break her heart.
Shell at Things I Can't Say thought it would be fun to post pics of our preggo bellies. Too fun! I was digging through ones that were about four years old and found these:
Me with two girlfriends who were due within weeks of me.
Me in the nursery/spare bedroom. I think I was 36 weeks here?
Dad and me comparing belly sizes the day I went in to be induced.
And not to be left out, of course I had to find a few from about a year and a half ago:
S and me on Halloween. My bump is sort of camouflaged here.
Dad and I had to reenact our belly pic. I think I won this round!
Check out the others in the link-up on Shell's site!
I started writing my next entry with all the details, but I haven't finished it yet. But I found out that my blog is going to be featured in Friday's Mamapedia! So I needed to at least let everyone know that I am still posting. Quick stats - healthy baby girl R was born Friday, November 13, 2009. Blessed, happy and wonderful holidays. Loving maternity leave with my girls - dreading having to leave them in a couple of weeks. Planning to attempt 3-Day Potty Training this weekend. Detailed posts to come!
Well, 11/10/09 came and went...without a baby being born in our home. Our DD and I both got sick over the weekend, so Monday I called my OB and they told me they wanted to delay the C-section...until next Monday. A whole week. Oy. The thing is, it really shouldn't have mattered. Most people don't know when their child will come into the world. I think that's how it should be. But when you have an induction or C-section scheduled, and you let yourself get really attached to that schedule, it really messes you up when it doesn't go as planned.
First, area of frustration - out-of-town visitors. My sister-in-law is flying in from California tonight, and leaving Monday evening. So she will only get to spend a couple of hours with her new niece. My sister and brother-in-law are coming in from St. Louis from Saturday til Tuesday, so luckily, they'll have a whole day before they have to leave. But it sort of throws a kink in their plans.
Second, work. I spent a lot of time prepping to be gone (as did my husband), and now we're back for a few more days. It seems like it shouldn't be a big deal, but when you've already passed off the work load to someone else to handle, and then you're there for another week, it's either dumped back in your lap, to be updated and re-prepped for the new time frame you'll be gone, or they keep it, and you have to find random things to do to fill the day. In my case it's a little bit of both.
Third, childcare arrangements. We had everything planned as far as what to do with our DD. She was going to spend the night at Papa and Grandma's, then in the morning after the baby was born, my DH would pick her up and they would all come up to the hospital. Since she just has a cold, her symptoms won't have completely cleared up by Monday, so she probably will have to stay home. So that means we'll have to have someone watching her who also doesn't get to go to the hospital.
Fourth, the pregnancy itself. As we approached the big day, my anxiety about dreading the procedure had increased. And now it's just hanging on even longer. The time changed so instead of being at 7am, it's at noon. At first I was excited - now I don't have to be there til 10am instead of 5am. Yea! One last night of good sleep! But then they told me that I still couldn't eat after midnight. Um, hello! I'm 9 months pregnant! I can't go 12 hours without eating. I figure, 7 hours fasting was long enough for the earlier time, so if that means I have to get up at 5am and have a snack, so be it. But there goes the good night's sleep. Plus I now have one more week of increasing discomfort. With my first, the baby never dropped, so the day I went to the hospital to be induced (and ended up going into labor on my own), I was easily going up and down stairs all day at the weenie dog races. This time, the baby dropped. Now I understand why women get to the end and just want to be done. If she had done this more than a week before she's to be born, I can see how I would be very cranky! If she's not on my bladder, she's pressing against what I can only imagine is scar tissue, which hurts so much that I'm only able to shuffle along like an old man. Or, Quasimodo according to my boss. Plus, I don't think I can get any bigger. My veins on my belly are starting to pop out a bit and bruise. Gross. Not to mention that my clothes really aren't fitting now. It's hard to find anything to wear, much less be somewhat comfortable in. I spend all my time pulling my pants up and my shirts down and trying to look a little put together to be in the office.
That said, I know she will be worth the wait! Today is my due date, and I haven't gone into labor on my own yet, which just goes to show that God's timing is best. Clearly she needed to stay in the womb a little longer. And it's a good reminder that having a newborn throws all scheduling out the window. Funny how quickly we can forget that.
So after weeks of debating with my husband, asking for advice from friends and relatives, and researching what to do about this crazy H1N1 vaccine, I finally decided to leave it up to fate. As a little background, I think that getting immunized for polio, mumps, etc. is very important. I believe not doing so encourages the possibility of these now defunct (in the US) diseases making a return. I think it's important to be aware of the correlation between vaccines and autism, but avoiding the ones with mercury is a better option than not getting vaccinated at this point. However, when it comes to vaccines for the flu and the chicken pox, I'm not a big believer. Yes, those diseases can be deadly. However, it is such a small percentage, that I don't think it warrants it. Sure they're unpleasant to have, but really not that big of a deal in my mind. Plus, especially for the flu which already mutates every year, I fear it contributes to the possibility of a "superbug". I am not a scientist, and I'm sure there are those who think I have done just enough research to be dangerous, but that's where I'm coming from at this point. So with the fear of an H1N1 swine flu pandemic, I initially thought it was being blown out of proportion. Actually I still do, and I wouldn't even have considered getting the vaccine, but the thing is, this year, it's not just about me. I'm 9 months pregnant and mother to a toddler. But even though they've been talking about it for months, there weren't vaccines available, so it was a moot point. I actually hoped they wouldn't be available until after I delivered on November 10th so I wouldn't have to make a decision.
Then on the nightly local news on Tuesday, October 20th, they showed the first batch of vaccines available in northeastern Kansas being dispersed to health care workers in Leavenworth. There had been one other clinic set up for children 6mos - 3 years on the Missouri side of KC a few days before. Other than that, I didn't know of anywhere that had them. I had checked our pediatrician's website, and they had not received their doses yet. My OB hadn't either. And no one I knew had gotten one. So Wednesday afternoon when I decided to make the call to my primary care physician, just to check on when they expected to get them in, I was not prepared when they said, yes, we have them, and as a pregnant patient, you are one of the people on the list. Come in ASAP! So Thursday morning, October 22nd, I headed to the doctor's office feeling confident that it was divine providence that I was getting immunized. As I am such a big fan of needles (see previous posts), while I was there, I was mostly focused on the actual act of the shot, not so much the impact of what it meant.
Until I walked out the door, and I was overwhelmed with regret.
All the doubts I'd had about it came flooding into my mind as I pressed the elevator button. It's going to cause some unknown neurological disorder that we won't know about until the baby is 5, etc. By the time I reached the ground floor, I was almost in tears. But there was no going back. I got to my office, and saw on the cover of Wired magazine that there was an article about vaccines and how important they are. I read it at lunch, and to sum up, basically it said that people who don't get them are idiots. It was definitely on an extreme end of the spectrum, and I certainly didn't agree with all of it, but it did assuage my fears a bit. OK, problem solved, no point in worrying about it anymore, right?
Except for our toddler. What to do for her?
I really didn't want to get it for her. But then I thought what if my husband (who is at the bottom of the list of people who are eligible and so most likely won't be able to be vaccinated at all) gets it, and brings it home, and I've left her vulnerable to it, and the worst case scenario plays out. Again, back and forth with my thoughts. Checked the ped's website again. They'd gotten a batch in, but were out again. Check back next Tuesday. So I left it in God's hands again.
Halloween morning, my mother-in-law called my husband and told him she was waiting in line at the Johnson County health center to get the vaccination. Because she would be around a newborn, she was eligible, and so was he. So he decided to go check out the line after he finished running his errands. S and I were out running our own errands, and he called when we were across the street at the car wash to say we could come over and get the vaccine for our daughter. So we went. There were only 1200 doses available. The line at 8am had been out the door, through the parking lot, around the corner and down the street. It was 10:30am by now, and the line was only to the back of the parking lot, but still hundreds of people had gone through, so how many doses did they have left? The couple behind me was talking about it, and the man said he wouldn't be too disappointed if they ran out. I told him I agreed, and we started talking about our indecisiveness about whether or not to get immunized.
After waiting in line for an hour, we completed the paperwork for my husband and our 2-year-old, and were initially told my husband was ineligible because there was not a newborn in the house. I told her I was due in 10 days, and she told us to go ahead. Then we got to the station, and the nurse said 10 days didn't count, he couldn't get one, but S could. I started to panic - I didn't want her to get it if he didn't. I felt like this was a sign that it was the wrong decision. She called the supervisor over, who gave the ok for DH, though, and then it all happened so fast, I didn't really have time to question it again.
So after weeks of worry, and some post-decision regret, I've come to terms with it. There's no going back. All we can do now is pray that it was the right decision and none of us suffer any ill consequences. And I'm sure when the girls are teenagers, we'll look back and laugh, and think, why were we so worked up about something so insignificant? At least that's how I'm hoping things will turn out.
As a tossing/turning, blanket-hogging, snoring sleeper, I often remember my dreams. As a general rule, even though I know who the people are in the dreams, their faces are blurred so I can't really see them. And while I've had some pretty hot ones about my husband, since we've been together, I haven't had any steamy dreams starring anyone else.
Until I got pregnant this time.
It's weird because I remember having vivid dreams when I was expecting before, but not like the ones I've had the last couple of weeks. With my first pregnancy, the dreams were mostly baby-related. And while I did notice they were more detailed, I still didn't see faces. I don't think I've dreamt about the baby directly this time, but I have started seeing faces.
Last night I had a dream about a doctor appointment I had this morning. In the dream, I woke up late and a friend was driving me to the appointment for some reason. We had to stop at another friend's house on the way. When we got there, her kids were wearing boxing gloves and practicing punching through a hole they had cut out in the front door. Odd enough in itself, but the strangest part for me was that their faces were so clear in my mind - I'm talking, crisp, HDTV-quality. Her husband told us his wife had gone to Bed, Bath and Beyond, so we were talking to him about coming back to see her later, when I asked what time it was. It was 10 minutes after my appointment was scheduled. Right then I woke up.
Supposedly we can all decipher our dreams ourselves. I guess I can understand why I had that dream about being late, then. Our toddler had woken up around 6:00 am, so I had gone in to try to get her back to sleep for another hour and ended up falling asleep myself. Subconsciously I knew I couldn't hear my alarm in her room, so I had no idea what time it was. Therefore, the panicked end to my dream.
But the one I had last week, I can honestly say, I have no idea what its origins are. I had my first sex dream about another man since I've been married. I dreamt I was getting in the shower with this incredibly hot Latin guy. He sort of reminded me of Enrique Iglesias, but with less bushy eyebrows and even sexier. He was definitely not someone who exists in real life. And I was just me, 8 months pregnant, but not all that self-conscious about it considering I was naked with some man I don't know. Ironically, our shower is a stall shower that I can barely fit into with my big belly, yet there was enough room for both of us, and the love-making was off the charts. I remember thinking, though, that he was a terrible kisser! And I knew he wasn't my husband, but I didn't think there was anything wrong with us being together. I woke up very freaked out, but also incredibly in the mood and wishing my husband was still home.
Having been pregnant once before, and reading everything in print and on the web I could to prep for that delivery, I knew there are studies showing how dreams are more intense and stranger than usual during pregnancy. Our hormones cause us to dream more often and for those dreams to be more graphic. And waking up even more frequently due to typical discomforts help us remember them better than when we aren't pregnant. But since the first time around my dreams were vivid in a different way, I find myself feeling out of my element again. I don't think I'm alone in my experiences (am I??), but it still takes some getting used to. I still feel a little guilty about my new-found Latin friend, but not so much that I would mind if he showed up again…
Well, I went to get the results of my blood tests today from the hematologist, and there was only one minor thing that showed up. There's a generic antibody that is affecting my platelets, but it sounds like it is definitely related to being pregnant. The lab failed to do one of the tests she ordered though, so I had to have more blood drawn - ugh! They took some when I first got there to check my levels again, and then I went back to wait for the doctor and when she was flipping through the results, she noticed the test that was missing. She apologized and said maybe they had taken enough that they wouldn't need to draw more, but they needed three vials for this test! She only got one vial worth before my vein gave out, so she had to try again on my other arm (that had already been stuck the first time). I was sooo not happy. Now I have a sore arm and a lovely bruise. Had to remind myself to be thankful that while I was at the cancer center, I was only there for something so minor. Anyway, the test that was missing was for a disease that's hereditary, and based on my history, she's pretty sure it will come back negative. So I go back in a month to check my levels (unless the results of this last test show something). My platelet count had dropped to 128,000 when I was there last time, but has bounced back to 134,000 which is another reason she's confident it's nothing serious. Yea!
Yesterday I talked to the sitter about S going potty. I knew she had been taking the kids as the other two are training, so I wanted to try to get us on the same plan. She's just been incorporating it into their routine. After breakfast they go, before lunch they go, before nap time they go - if they want to. So I think that's what we'll do as well for now.
When DH picked S up yesterday afternoon, apparently she told him that she wants to work at Hy-Vee. On the one hand, this does not surprise me as she is enamored with the grocery store. But I did think it was funny that she wants to work there now, not just go there. But apparently her bigger goal she told him is that she wants to be a mower when she grows up. Also completely understandable given her love of everything lawnmower related - watching Dad mow, using her toy mower to mow, watching the lawn service at Grandma and Papa's, taking her mower with us on wagon rides. She's so much fun!
Last night we were snuggling in bed, and she was gently punching me and making noises like "chickapow". I asked her she was doing. Then she said, "Fist bump, Mama!" I was cracking up. We had just started teaching her to fist bump at the housewarming party. So we had to tell her, no, you fist bump with your fists, not by punching me in the chest.
Recently she's started singing "Baa, Baa, Black Sheep", kind of. She doesn't really know all the words, but I can tell that's what it is. Usually it incorporates words like baa, baa, yes sir, yes sir, full. So this morning she was singing in the car, and she said, "Yes sir, Yessirree, Bob!" I did a double take. It was pretty funny to hear her say that.
When my husband and I started talking about getting pregnant the first time, I was, of course, excited, but also somewhat apprehensive like most people. The biggest drawback for me wasn't labor since I didn't really know what that would be like. It was the knowledge that there would be blood tests, an IV, an epidural (my low pain tolerance supercedes my fear of needles), and possibly other ways in which the medical professionals would find to wield their pointy little objects of torture at me.
I know no one likes having blood drawn. I mean, I've heard people say they don't mind it, but that's as close as it gets to enjoying it. But I would say I have a higher than average aversion to it. On a scale of 1-10, 1 being people who actually watch the procedure and think "Cool!", and 10 being people who get hysterical and pass out, I'm about an 8.5. I've never actually passed out, but I have had my vision turn into a black tunnel and narrow down to about a two-inch circle, until they laid me down and gave me some juice. I don't like needles in general, but a blood draw is the paramount. That said, here's a list of 10 things I'd rather do than have my blood taken:
10. Get a filling at the dentist. 9. Work overtime. 8. Be stuck in a plane on the runway for an hour. (Did I mention I'm somewhat claustrophobic?) 7. Have an annual well-woman exam. 6. Be a bridesmaid who has to wear a hideous dress with shoes that give me blisters for the whole day and evening. 5. Be woken up by my toddler every two hours in the night. 4. The day after aforementioned sleepless night, be forced to watch "Ben-Hur" and "Lawrence of Arabia" back to back and not be able to sleep during them. 3. Clean all 3 three of our bathrooms. 2. Deal with a mouse that's been caught in a trap. And isn't dead, yet. 1. Get a tetanus shot.
Because of this, when I failed my glucose test with the first pregnancy and then had to do the three hour test where they took my blood, not just once, but FOUR TIMES in one day, I was determined to pass with this second pregnancy. Unfortunately, things were a little crazy in our household this spring and summer, so I was a little distracted and didn't manage to monitor my food intake to the degree I knew it would require to ensure passing the test. So I prepared myself for the inevitable call letting me know I'd failed. What I didn't expect was to find out that in addition to my glucose being high, I had a low platelet count. The nurse just mentioned it in passing and said they'd check it again with the three hour test, so I didn't think too much of it at the time. But when they called with the final glucose results, I found out I passed the three hour test again, just like with the first pregnancy, but my platelet count was still down, so they wanted me to see a hematologist. This was a bit disconcerting.
Disconcerting? Ok, let's be honest, I was having a pregnant/hormonal/emotional day, and freaked myself out to the point that I had to walk out of the office to the parking lot where I bawled like a baby on the phone to one of my closest friends. Thoughts were flying through my head, "Platelets? Quick think - what do those do? Something with clotting I think. I already know I have to have a C-section - I'm going to hemorrhage and die on the operating table! We haven't finished our wills - I have to make sure to get that done ASAP. I'll never get to meet our sweet baby girl! I'll miss seeing our toddler grow up! What a burden this will be on my poor husband..." Oh, good grief! The funny thing about having these kinds of nutty moments that can happen during pregnancy and postpartum, is that sometimes you have a surreal out-of-body experience where you can see yourself saying or thinking all of these things and think, "Why are you being such an idiot?", but you can't stop yourself from doing it either.
After I had my outburst and my friend helped calm me down, I pulled myself together, went back inside to work, and finished out the day. By the time I got home and told my husband, I was able to do so calmly. I know he appreciated my forethought in having my breakdown with a girlfriend instead of him - he's dealt with his fair share of these hormone-induced, crazy tirades. This week I went to the hematologist and found out that low platelets are not uncommon during pregnancy. They need to be monitored, but rarely end up being cause for much concern. Oh, ok. Whew.
Wait a minute... monitored... meaning more blood tests? Oh, brother...
Things have been so hectic lately that even when I've posted, I've forgotten stuff. So here's a quick rundown of things I've been meaning to make note of:
S has been saying "I love you" lately. It's not the first time she's said it, but it's really become something she understands and lavishes on me. My heart goes pitter-pat...
She is really good at art. We went to my half-sister's pottery shop the other day and she was using two brushes in different colors, and she would think before dipping them and keep the colors separate. My sis said it's very unusual for a kid that young to be that sophisticated with the paint. She also draws horizontal lines, circles, vertical lines, and "words" - the mwmwm-shaped scribbles that we all use to indicate text. The cute part is she'll say what she's writing, and say it slowly as if she's really spelling it out. And she'll giggle at herself as she does it, which just makes me laugh.
She still loves "talking" on the phone, but has actually really done it now. One evening a couple of weeks ago I had taken her for our nightly wagon ride we've started since moving to the new house. DH had to work late so he wasn't there , but called to tell her goodnight. She actually talked to him! At one point in the conversation, she pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at and said in amazement, "I talking to Dada!" It was like the light bulb came on. Not to say she doesn't still have pretend conversations with her Aunt N. If you ever want to know what she's been up to, give her a phone and tell her to call Aunt N. You'll get a rundown of her day. Monday's went something like this "Hi N! Yeah, went to Hy-Vee. Going to Target. Yeah. Mommy going potty." I'll stop there and spare you the details, but I was SOOO relieved she wasn't really on the phone with my sister when she let her know all about my time on the toilet. As any mom knows, you forfeit all personal potty time when you have a child. My DH gets frustrated when she barges in on him occasionally, but I have to remind him that's just my life all the time now. Anyway, we need to have a chat about boundaries on the phone....
Regarding the potty issue, I'm feeling terribly guilty. In the spring when she was expressing interest, we had the house on the market, and I didn't want to have the potty chair sitting out. Then we moved in with my in-laws, and there was so much in limbo, I didn't think it would be a good time to start trying. Now we are in the new house, but she's still adjusting. I think she'll be fine by the end of the month, but then baby R will be here five week later, and her world will be topsy turvy again. After R is born, Thanksgiving and Christmas will happen. So I've decided to postpone training til the first of the year. I feel terribly guilty. I never wanted to push her, but isn't it just as bad to delay her? Unfortuately, I just don't see another option at this point. Chalk up another point in the bad mommy column...
It's been really muggy/humid/foggy the last few days. So this morning when I was leaving her at my parents' house, she turned to my mom and said, "It's kinda muggy." Certainly not the standard meteorological observation of a two-year-old.
We got licorice as part of a housewarming present from DH's best friend, so we had given a piece to S. She has since been asking for it for breakfast every day. Sigh...
She started tickling us a month or so ago which doesn't really tickle most of the time, so we pretend it does, and she gets such a kick out of it. The other day she tickled my tummy and said "Tickle R?" Very cute. She's excited to meet her I think. As are we. DH and I were talking about her before bed last night. Will she be as challenging as S can be? Will she be more laid-back? Will she look like S did? It's a great big surprise we can't wait to discover.
I have two friends from church with kids close to S's age so we get together for playdates from time to time. Because it was fairly centrally located, we often go to Chick Fil A so after we eat, the kids can play and we girls can chat. Now whenever we drive past there, S says the kids names and asks if she can play there with them. This morning she mentioned them to me at breakfast - no prompting by going past Chick Fil A - so I told her she was right, it's about time to plan another get together with the boys.
Woo hoo! We beat CU - at Folsom Field! I only saw the last quarter of the game, but it was pretty awesome. Wish I could have been out there. Maybe next year.
I was planning to post this weekend, but it just didn't happen. Something I've discovered about being a mom is that you get beat up a lot. I should have known - it starts in the womb. R's not as active as S was (I don't think - it's been awhile!), but she can pack a punch. Last night while watching tv, she got me with a double hit and my shirt was fluttering. I don't remember S doing that. But when we put S to bed last night, I thought I was in wrestlemania. We were all laying down and then she grabbed me to pull herself up, and her little hand wrenched my nipple so hard I thought it was going to be bleeding. I cried out, but told her not to worry about it - I knew she didn't mean to - but man did that hurt. I had finally gotten over the worst of the pain and was left with a dull throbbing when she rolled over and popped me in the nose with her elbow. This was followed by her head to my nose almost immediately. They should hand out padding when you take them in for their 2-yr checkup.
We had a nice Labor Day weekend. Very productive. We rearranged the furniture in the living room and it flows much better, thanks to DH's brilliance. He finally agreed to put the tv on the fireplace mantel. Yes! Now the living room, kitchen, main bath, formal dining room and half bath are all put together. So exciting! All I have left to do is the office/playroom, guest room, master bedroom and bath. Plus I need to clean the whole house and do just a couple of little things in the girls' rooms, but they are done for the most part. I see the light at the end of the tunnel! Which is good since I just have 10 days til I need it all ready for the housewarming party. :)
The other thing I did a lot of this weekend was cook actual meals for dinner which was exciting. I finally got to use my Rachel Ray cookbook I got for Christmas. Loved all three recipes, although, 30-min. my ass! I discovered that's not including prep work, which is always the most time-consuming part. Saturday I made Chicken a la King (different than how I've made it before - served over biscuits - delish!). Sunday I made mini meatloaves and macaroni. Mini is the way to go with meatloaf - it only takes about 20 min to bake instead of an hour or so. They were pretty good! Someday I will make macaroni that tastes cheesy enough, but it has yet to happen. I know part of it was I couldn't find the exact cheeses I was looking for. And I overcooked the noodles because my timing was off, so it was a little mushy. Not bad, but could have been better. Then yesterday I made crab-stuffed flounder. DH doesn't like fish, so I'm always trying to find different recipes that aren't too fishy. This was really good (I thought), and it got an "eh" reaction from him which is as good as it gets. The only problem is that I'm pretty sure the recipe means fresh, whole flounder, but being in the midwest, tiny frozen fillets is my only option. But on the plus side, they only took 5 minutes to bake instead of 20. It was nice to be able to make dinner three nights in a row. But it was a little heavy, too, and all the recipes had onions and/or garlic in them which is wreaking havoc on our stomachs. :) I need to keep that in mind next time I plan my menu.
DH had a good weekend - got a lot done Saturday and Sunday. Then Sunday night his friend came over and they sat out on the patio and had some drinks. Bacardi came out with flavored mojitos, so he got the raspberry one and had a little more of it than he realized. He came to bed and said the room was spinning. Yikes! The next morning (or should I say afternoon?) he said he really didn't think he'd had that much to drink. His hangover lasted all day. We used to be able to get over it by early afternoon. I was thinking about him this morning, because really, I felt badly for him, but it was kind of funny. We are definitely getting old! For some reason it reminded me of when I got sick in his dorm room in college. I sooooo should have known he loved me then! It was awful. I will spare everyone the details, but suffice it to say that it started out seeming like it was just a night of too much alcohol that turned out to be the stomach flu. He took good care of me.
Yesterday I got my test results and it turns out, no gestational diabetes - yea! Unfortunately, my platelet count is low, so they want me to see a hematologist. I initially had an emotional hormonal reaction (Platelets affect clotting! I'm going to hemhorrage during my C-section and die!). Then I settled down and decided it probably wasn't too big of a deal since the nurse didn't seem overly concerned about it when she called. I was going to Google it, but I was afraid that might freak me out more.
So I pulled the list of dr's covered by my insurance and started going through them. I asked my friends in the medical field for recommendations one of them said she's heard of low platelets being something that can happen during pregnancy. So I was a little less concerned and decided to (selectively) Google it:
Low platelet count (below 150,000), means that the blood possesses too few thrombocytes or specialized blood cells called platelets that help to aid in blood clotting. This condition is also called thrombocytopenia, and it can be mild to highly serious, depending on the platelet count and on the underlying cause. Treatment of low platelet count usually depends on these two factors: cause and severity. There are several treatments possible including “watch and wait,” medications, blood transfusions or platelet transfusions, and surgery.
Very common conditions may result in low platelet count, like pregnancy. The reduction in platelet amounts is usually not huge, and doctors tend to opt not to treat this condition, though they may take a wait and watch approach. Most women do recover from thrombocytopenia caused by pregnancy after the pregnancy ends. Another time this approach could be favored is when people have just had a virus, especially kids, and have mild thrombocytopenia. Children are particularly good at recovering from low counts because their bone marrow tends to produce platelets rapidly.
Haven't gotten ahold of a dr. yet, but it sounds like it's probably not a big deal. Whew!
Yesterday I got a call from my OB's office with the results from my glucose tolerance test - failed again. :( I would rather just skip the three hour test next week and have them say, yes, you have gestational diabetes. Not that I want to have it, of course. Although, I feel like I may this time. I have been eating terribly with this pregnancy, due in large part to the moving issues we've had, combined with my insatiable need for all things chocolate. And I can tell this week that I'm not feeling as well as I should. And I've been eating better since we're finally settled in. We'll see what happens.
Yesterday afternoon was S's 2 year checkup. She woke up with a cold, poor thing! And I had to get her up early from her nap to get her there on time. But she was really good for the appointment. She had to do a finger prick test and get two shots which she wasn't thrilled about, but she was pretty easily pacified by a sucker once we got the Band-Aids off. I know the day will come when she wants a Band-Aid for everything, but at this point, she can't stand them. Having them on was more upsetting than the shots, it seemed.
She's still on the same growth curve - 90th percentile for height, 50th for weight and 25th for head size. She's 35 3/4" tall, weighs 26 lbs (Coulda fooled me! She sure feels heavier than that.), and has a head circumference of 18.5". Everything looked good; thank you God for blessing us with a healthy child!
Friday night, DH wanted to move stuff out of the garage so I could park in it. How sweet is my husband?? So his best friend came over to help him. He and his wife ended up hanging out with us til midnight (dumb idea on my part - sooo tired already and needing a good night's sleep). They are house hunting, too, and were telling us about this house that they loved but there were a couple of drawbacks, one being that it has a really small yard. Then they said there was something about it they wanted to talk to us about first. We were like, okaayyy.... Then his friend said, "Well, it's close. I mean, really close." I said, "What, next door?" And he said, "No, but about 5 blocks over." I said, "That's cool, but I think you are the ones who need to think if you really want to be that close to us." :) Of course DH would love it if they moved there. We'll see what happens.
Saturday I had arranged for a play date for S for two hours before her nap so I had hopes of about a 4 hour stretch to work on unpacking. But I had completely forgotten that my MIL had tickets for us to go to her company picnic. S really enjoyed it; they had a big blow-up slide and a moonwalk. She went on the slide a few times. There were clowns making balloon animals and doing face painting and a sno-cone maker and games. Then I got her home and down for a nap, and a friend came by to see the house, so I didn't really get anything done that day.
Saturday night I was trying to get S to sleep (it was 10pm before she FINALLY went down!), and I was lying in bed with her, and she was holding Elmo. I heard her say, "Elmo, go time out. No, time out. Two choices, Elmo: time out or spank a bottom. Elmo, time out or spank a bottom. Two choices, Elmo. Time out - Spank a bottom!" And she spanked him. I was trying so hard not to laugh, I had to cover my mouth. That must be what happens with my dad. I do spank her once in a blue moon, but there's no discussion. I just tell her one time to quit it, or she's getting spanked and then she gets it.
Sunday, I relived my college days and headed to Mom and Dad's to do a load of laundry to get us through til our new washer and dryer get delivered today. I planned to leave S there napping and go home and get work done, but she wouldn't go to sleep, so that didn't work out either. DH has been sick, so he wasn't feeling up to doing much, so ultimately, we got very little done on the house this weekend which is frustrating. But I think I'm going to try to go home at lunch every day this week. Getting the washer and dryer will help a lot. A bunch of the boxes are clothes.
After we left there, I took S home and she took a short nap, and then we went to a friend's house for a bit. I dropped off some gently used kids shoes for a fundraiser she's doing, and she loaned me some maternity clothes. And we got to see their baby girl! We hadn't seen her for a long time - she's six months old now - time flies!
I had my glucose test this morning - yuck. It's hard to do something like that that requires exact timing when you have a toddler who runs on her own schedule. :) But it's over with. For now, anyway. I'm sure I failed it and will have to do the three hour one. I also got my paperwork to send in to the hospital. Crazy to think it's time for that already!
After two weeks of negotiations, we FINALLY will be homeowners again!! They agreed to pay for the chimney repairs in full (they had come back initially offering to pay half) as well as take care of the other things. We take possession on the 1st and plan to move on the 8th. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise that the first house didn't work out - this is the perfect house for us. We're so excited!
That was our happy news last night, but this morning we had kind of a rough start. S woke up at 5:30 (ugh!), and I felt that her bed was wet, so I changed her diaper (in the dark so it ended up being on backwards) and laid down with her and tried to get her back to sleep. She was squirmy and wanted to take her shirt off. Finally at 6am I was tired and frustrated and gave up. Pause for bad mommy moment - I turned the light on and my poor baby had a huge rash with blisters all over her back to halfway down her bottom, on a shoulder, on her forehead, on the back of her left thigh. Here I was irritated with her for not going to back to sleep when she was itchy and uncomfortable! I felt terrible and was a little worried since I didn't know what was wrong exactly. I've never had poison ivy or poison oak, and I was little when I had hives so I didn't know if that was it or not. DH thought it was hives, and we waited til his mom got up at 6:30am (she was a nurse), to ask her. She thought it was hives, too, and by the then it was clearing up quite a bit. So I called the dr. office and left a message for them to let me know if I should bring her in or if there was something I should give her, but by 7:30am it was almost all gone. So I took her to the sitter's and we tried to figure out if she'd eaten anything new. She hadn't, but she had had a few allergenic things - eggs, shrimp and strawberry jam - so we're going to keep those out of her diet for a week or so and then reintroduce them one at a time. My MIL and I were also wondering if it might be the laundry detergent since it was all over her. But we've been using it for 3 weeks, so I would think it would have showed up already. Maybe not. The dr. office said to give her some Benadryl if it was bothering her but not to worry as long as she didn't run a fever.
As for baby number two, I had a dr. appt. today, and R was kicking while I was waiting, but when it was time to listen with the heartbeat monitor, we couldn't find her. So the dr. moved me to a room with an ultrasound machine and we saw her then. Dr. N told me to tell R not to be such a pain in the ass next time. :) I told her I'd give her a little lecture before my next appt. :) I love my OB. She's very direct about everything and doesn't sugar coat it, but always tries to do everything possible to benefit the patient whether it's popular or not. When I had S, I was allowed to eat right away and do other things that are not usually done with C-section patients. The nurses gave us the impression that she's a bit of a renegade. She's had C-sections, too, so I think that helps that she knows what we're going through and can be a real advocate for us.
Since the 4th of July landed on a Saturday this year, we were able to have Friday off which made for a nice long weekend. Friday, I took S to get her haircut. It was only her second time going so I took her back to Shear Madness since they are set up for little ones. The chairs are little cars that the kids can play in and each station has a tv so they can watch cartoons. She was fine when we got there, but then a little boy who was about 3 or 4 was screaming bloody murder and sitting on his mom's lap and she was pinning him down. I just don't have the desire to torture my child for 15 minutes. He can just have long hair. She was pretty nervous about how upset he was, so I told our stylist if she got too fussy, we'd just call it quits. But she was so good! I was very proud of her. She even let the stylist put her hair in pigtails. They only lasted about an hour, but it was too cute.
Saturday my mom, my mother-in-law, S and I all went to Lenexa's parade. S seemed to enjoy it. That night DH and I went with his best friend and his wife to the movies. We saw The Hangover which was a little vulgar, but hilarious. I didn't think they could keep the story from getting stale, but it never did. After it was over, I reminded DH that that was why he didn't get to have his bachelor party in Vegas and thanked his friend again for being such a trustworthy Best Man.
Sunday we stopped by our old neighbor's house. She had gone to Barcelona the week we moved so we wanted to see photos from her trip. We had left our trash cans for her to put out and needed to pick them up as well. It was a nostalgic trip. Poor S kept wanting to go next door and play in our old backyard, but I just had to keep telling her we didn't live there anymore. She didn't understand. I'll be glad when we're in a new home, and she will feel like she belongs there.
Speaking of which, I've been trying not to get excited about it, but we put a bid on a house last week and the inspection is tomorrow. It's only 5 blocks from the old one (different subdivision, different builder), so still close to my friend's house (bonus!) and only a couple of blocks from a girl at work which will be nice. It's actually a center hall floorplan which I love - one of the first homes we looked at had it but it was on a lot that had a steep front drive and front yard - too steep to play in. I had said to our realtor, if we could just find this house on a different lot. Found it! Through the negotiating, we are getting to keep the dining room table and chairs, china cabinet and the china! It was so funny because when I had looked at the house, I had mentioned to my mom that I really liked their taste and jokingly wondered if they'd leave it furnished. We don't have a formal dining room table or a china cabinet, so we needed to get them anyway. DH and I both liked the desk and bookcases in the den, too, but that wasn't part of the deal. :) Anyway, I'm praying it goes well, and we can start planning the move. That's a whole other story...
A few S notes: the other day she was eating (cantaloupe, I think?) and she it was "delicious". I was taken aback by such a big word being said by her. She amazes me daily. Yesterday she was eating some dry cereal and dropped a piece on the floor. I told her I'd get it and she said, "No, me get!" At this age, she has no fear of eating off the floor, so I told her she could get it but she had to put it in the trash. She said "Kiss it?" I was like, uh, ok. So she gave the little oatmeal square a hug and a kiss and threw it away. I was cracking up.
Sleeping started to get better - she slept well Friday night for the first time - 7:30pm - 7am without any interruption - hallelujah!!! Saturday I was worried we'd ruin it by going to the movie and leaving her with my in-laws, but they said she only fussed about 10 minutes, so we had another 11-11 1/2 hour night. Yes! Sunday night to Monday morning was going well until the neighbor let his German Shepherds out at 5:30am and let them bark for 10 minutes straight. I could hear them through the baby monitor it was so loud. So she was up at 6am, but still did pretty well. But last night, she fussed and called for me around 5, and I went in to console her. She wanted me to lay down with her, and I did, but after about 15 minutes she was asking for Daddy. So I got him to lay in the other twin bed, and laid back down with her. She was tossing and turning and talking and not settling down, so at 6am we all just got up. So tired....Something she started saying a little while ago, that just melts me is "Mama hold you". It's torture though when she's needing to go to sleep, and I leave the room and she starts screaming it. Breaks my heart. I can't imagine loving another baby as much as her, but I know my heart will grow when R gets here. Can't wait for both of our girls to be together!
Poor baby R already has second baby syndrome - I've hardly blogged at all about this pregnancy, and I haven't scanned in any of the sonograms yet - maybe next week. But honestly, this time around has been a piece of cake. R, do Mommy a favor and be just as easy to take care of when you come into this world as you are in the womb. :)
I'm so glad this week is finally over. Work was insane - my supervisor was gone so I was working extra hours to keep up with my stuff and cover his. We had the sonogram Wednesday and then we put an offer on a house, all of which was exciting. We've begun packing in earnest - we'll try to get most of it done this weekend since we're going to move next weekend. Since the house we bid on is empty, we may be able to close by the end of the month. If that's the case, we'll just store our furniture in my parents' garage instead of getting a storage unit. Hopefully that will all be ironed out by next week so we know where to take everything Saturday.
Sidenote: DH got Knorks as the giveaway at the T-Bones game the other night. A Knork is a knife and fork version of a spork. It pretty much looks like a fork, but supposedly you can cut better with the edge. It reminded me of my old roommate who came to visit from Mexico who at one time stated that he thought that sporks were the best invention ever. Granted, it was on a float trip after a long day on the water, so the validity of his statement is questionable, but he couldn't stop singing their praises from dinner until we went to sleep in our tent. I'll have to tell him about Knorks and see if he feels as strongly about them.
This morning we had the Level 2 Ultrasound at St. Luke's Hospital. The baby looks great - praise God! S did really well considering it took about 2 hours since they were running late. She didn't like that I couldn't hold her and was worried about what they were doing to me. We found out it's a girl! DH was a little disappointed, of course, but he's also excited for S to have a little sister to play with. I told him we may just have to try one more time for a boy. ;) We'll see...
