One preschooler. Strawberry-blonde hair; bright blue eyes; rosy cheeks; full, pouty lips; three feet tall. Answers to the name S, also known as Stinky, Sunshine, Sweetie, Love, Darling, Punkin Pie, Baby Girl. Personality traits include, but are not limited to, reserved, stubborn, hot-tempered, dramatic, sassy. Known for selective hearing, flamboyant tantrums, tornadic paths of destruction.
Price: Not looking to make much off her, only want to get my money back to basically break even. $3,500 for the birth; $600 for formula after she weaned herself at 6 months; $8,212 for meals since she's been on solids; $7,040 for daycare; $3,375 for medical expenses such as insurance premiums, dr. visit co-pays and medications; and about $2,000 for clothes and basic supplies. Rounded up to cover my eBay listing fee and time to write this ad, which comes to... $25,000.
Holy crap - do you realize what I could have done with an extra $25K over the last 3 1/2 years?? I could have gone on the trips to Australia and Europe that my single friends took. I could have bought a cool new car (not the minivan we got). I could have gotten a gym membership and hired a personal trainer and gotten back down to my ideal weight.
Not to mention the sleep I could have gotten. I'm estimating I've lost about 3,000 hours of sleep since she and her sister were born. Y-I-K-E-S. Which has resulted in my starting to drink coffee. Ooh! There's another $3,000 in Frappacinos/fancy coffees to keep me awake and functioning.
Man, I miss sleeping in. Of course, I love when she pads down the hall in the morning to my room and climbs into bed with me to snuggle for a few minutes before we get up. I guess those few minutes would counteract the hours of missing sleep from the night before. And she is funny, intelligent, imaginative, caring and thoughtful. I suppose I should deduct the value of her helping with the shopping, making dinner and tidying up the aforementioned areas of destruction. Plus, she's very selective when it comes to doling out hugs and kisses; those are priceless.
Ok, sorry - going to have to pull this post down. No matter how much she may drive me crazy, nothing is more valuable to me than her.
This is based on a prompt from The Red Dress Club. We want you to imagine you've just had a fight with a friend, a co-worker, husband, significant other, child - you get the picture. You're mad. It's time for revenge. What would you sell?Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig's List. Talk about the history of the items, why they must go. Word limit is 600. I took a little bit of liberty with the directions on this. Constructive criticism is always welcome!