Depressed

I've had a lot of feelings over the past month or so with all that's gone on, but even though there were times of sadness, it passed. Until this weekend. It wasn't a huge thing, but it felt like the final straw. It's a little complicated, but to summarize, I need to spend over a thousand dollars on software to continue my Etsy shop in the vein it's currently in. Clearly, this is not an option at this juncture. I feel like every attempt I make at carving a new path is met with monolithic roadblocks.

And now, I just can't seem to get out of this funk. I feel helpless and hopeless. It didn't help that the 5-10 minutes I heard on the news tonight was about a father and young sons murder-suicide, a teen slitting a youngster's throat and a kid killed by a neglectful bus driver. (All of which reinforced the validity of my decision to stop watching the news in the first place.)

I know things could be worse. I know I should be thankful for all I have, and I am. I looked at Facebook tonight and prayed for friends who are having biopsies, and those who have lost parents to cancer, and those who have kids with devastating diseases, and I think, "Suck it up!"

And to be honest, talking it through with a dear friend tonight and blogging about it has helped. I've asked God to close doors before, though not in this area, but maybe that's what's happening now. I know the one He opens will be fuller and richer than any He closes. So I'm going to go to bed, and pray for peace about life and not worry. I'm sure this, too, shall pass.

Scheduling

Yesterday was my first unemployed day. It felt like a long weekend. Or maybe a day I decided to call in sick because I was slightly under-the-weather (because I was) and wanted to spend more time with the girls. I intended to put myself on a strict schedule immediately so that I wouldn't be a slacker, but since I had a sinus headache that felt like my brain had swelled beyond the capacity of my skull, I decided to take it easy on myself and just do what had to be done.

One of those had-to-be-done things was finish an order for Jaborandi Grove, these letters for my friend Katie over at Sluiter Nation for her newest addition who is due in a few weeks. Another of those things was to bake cookies for S to take to preschool tomorrow because yesterday was her half-birthday.

I always wanted kids with summer birthdays because I was jealous of my friends who had them since I have a December birthday. But the downside is that they don't get to do any birthday stuff at school. So I have to remember her half-birthday. Which really is almost impossible since I stopped counting her age in months - she's 54 months today!

S decided she wanted to make sugar cookies with the Easter cookie cutters that I bought on clearance after the holiday last year. So we have little baby chicks, eggs, churches and bunnies that have been doused in sprinkles of all kinds by eager toddler and preschooler hands.

Today will probably be another play-it-by-ear day as I'm still not feeling well - this warmer weather is fun, but it's wreaking havoc on my allergies - but I'm not going to feel guilty about it yet.

Update

I started freelance blogging and am looking into a freelance logo designing gig. We'll see how those pan out. I also started a new line of products on my Etsy shop, R.S.V.P. It's invitations and paper goods. I'm signed up to be a vendor at a luncheon expo in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that will bring some traffic in. I'm also planning to partner with a couple of Etsy friends to do some cross promoting. Unfortunately, there just aren't enough hours in the day, so while I want these ventures to be successful, I'm praying for a good balance.

Thanksgiving

Design from Jaborandi Grove

Wednesday

I've posted about my love of Thanksgiving before. This year was wonderful, too, and I'm continually amazed at the blessings in our lives.  Unfortunately, my SIL's BFF's mom passed away suddenly this week. My SIL had not planned to come home for the holiday until she found out the funeral was yesterday. Wednesday night, S went with my FIL to pick up Auntie E from the airport. I think E was glad as her presence lightened the mood. They ended up having a conversation about what DH wears to bed. (Not sure how that subject came up. Not sure I want to know.) Anyway, here's the general idea:

S: Daddy sleeps nakeypants.
Auntie E: What do you mean? Does he where a shirt?
S: No.
Auntie E: Does he wear shorts?
S: No, just panties.

DH about died, and I cracked up when we heard about it. Can't blame S for not knowing that shorts are boxers or briefs, but clearly we need to have a conversation that explains the nuances of underwear terms.

Thursday

I always enjoy going to DH's family's Thanksgiving. It's his dad's side of the family, and about 30 of the 50 or so relatives were able to be there. Now that the cousins are having kids, there are little ones around to play with. S didn't want to leave when it was time to go because she was having too much fun. Love that!

The best part was when we said Grace before dinner. Everyone held hands in a huge circle that wound through the kitchen and dining room. I was holding Baby R so put her little hand in her teenage cousin's. DH's aunt began to say the blessing, and Baby R whispered "God is great, God is good, mumble mumble mumble food, Amen. God is great, God is good..." So sweet!

That night, Auntie E came over and chatted. We drank way too much wine and hung out with the neighbors for awhile by their fire pit. The weather was absolutely beautiful. I stumbled to bed around 2am. Oy...

Friday

In the morning, as expected, I was regretting my bedtime as well as the bottle and a half of vino I'd consumed. Small children have no ability to sleep in. Plus I needed to start baking since my family was coming over for Thanksgiving Round 2.

I realized I was missing an ingredient for the pumpkin pie, so I took the girls to the store for the fastest yet longest trip in my life. We walked in, I put them in the cart, and literally in front of me was the evaporated milk I needed. It was all I had come for, but decided to swing by the in-store Starbucks as I was in desperate need of some caffeine. While in line, the girls whined for apple juice which we had at home, and since we were leaving right after getting my coffee, I told them no.

And it began.

Huge tantrums by both of them. I finally got S calmed down, but then when it was time to get out of the cart, Baby R threw herself on the ground, kicking and screaming. I wasn't angry or embarrassed. I simply didn't have the energy to care.

I started walking toward the door and tossed a nonchalant, "Bye-bye!" her way. If it had been S, she would have come running. But Baby R didn't buy it. I stood by the automatic door, the heater blowing to push the cold air back outside, and looked at her for a minute. A cashier came over and asked if she was all right. I said, "She's fine. She's two. She's having a tantrum." I wanted to let her work it out, but I knew the employees didn't need to deal with it, so I snatched Baby R up and headed out.

For those of you who've never tried it, I don't recommend walking through a parking lot holding a hot cup of coffee, a grocery bag, a purse, the hand of your 4YO and a thrashing toddler. I'm just thankful none of the coffee spilled on the girls.

Thank goodness the Elf on the Shelf is back; S didn't remember her at first, but now that we've re-read the book and reiterated the correlation between good behavior and Santa bringing presents, she's back on board. Hopefully we can avoid a repeat of Friday morning.

Saturday

Nothing too exciting. My sister and BIL had spent the night with us Friday, so we had breakfast and then left for STL. It would have been nice if they could have stayed longer, but they had had a rough week. Their cat was hit by a car, my sis had a terrible week at work in NYC and was stuck on the runway of her return flight for a couple of hours, and she had to go back to NYC today. I don't blame them for wanting to get home and relax for a little bit.

DH and I finished cleaning up the house. I went in to my PT job for a couple of hours to make up being gone for the holiday. I did a little bit of work for Jaborandi Grove as it was the biggest shopping weekend of the year with Black Friday and Small Business Saturday as well as Cyber Monday coming up. It was hard to coordinate stuff for Etsy with the family stuff, but I'm still a small enough shop that it didn't matter much.

Sunday

Today we missed church as we had brunch with my in-laws for one last hurrah with Auntie E before she heads back to Cali tomorrow. We also drew names for Christmas presents. Tonight we put up the Christmas tree and some of the decorations. We all napped this afternoon so we were a bit late getting around to it. We'll have to finish up tomorrow.

It's fun to watch S start to remember things and see Baby R really take it in now that she's bigger. Though S is getting tricky with her questions about Santa already. Not sure how well I will do answering them.

While I did the dishes after supper, S was "talking" to Auntie E on the phone. She said she was sorry we hadn't invited her over to eat, but it was too late now. She chatted a few more minutes and then told me after she hung up that C (Auntie E's boyfriend) didn't want her to come back to Cali tomorrow, so she was going to stay with us tomorrow night and go back Tuesday. So funny!

Cross-Promo Post

I'm linking up to Miss Elaine-ous Monday with this post that links to other posts in a crazed attempt to do more than I can possibly do right now.

:)

Please check out my Etsy blog, Jaborandi Grove, and today's post about projects that were completed that were inspired by Pinterest.

There are actually two posts about that - I've linked both to Simple Organic's From Pinterest to Real Life post.

I also wanted to give a shout-out to Gigi who has a link up going on right now for Fall Food Recipes. It ends today, though, so get on it!

Wordless Wednesday: Autumn

Some pictures of the trees on the way home from church Sunday. Another gorgeous 80-degree day. We spent most of it outside. 

And now for a shameless plug in conjunction with the season, stop by my Etsy shop, Jaborandi Grove, and pick up the Autumn Seasonal Set before it gets cold and snowy.

Of course, then you can get the Winter Seasonal Set, but let's not get ahead of ourselves...

Blessed

This has been a crazy week. I had a phone interview Monday, and then they asked me to come in for an in-person interview on Thursday. The position was not what I had originally built my resume for, and I needed a portfolio for it, so I spent a frantic Wednesday putting one together. I came into my office that night to print off some elements for it, and the printer was literally in pieces on the floor. Thank goodness the FedEx/Kinko's is 24 hours - I was there at midnight. I think the interview went pretty well. We'll see what happens. Trying to give it over to God and not worry about it!

I am so thankful to be the featured blogger on Studio 30 Plus this week; I wish I could have offered up a great new post already. Hopefully this weekend. As I mentioned before, please stop by my "5 W's and an H" tab for some of my favorite posts.

Another amazing happening this week is that This Blogger Makes Fun of Stuff gave my Etsy shop, Jaborandi Grove, a rave review and is hosting a giveaway for a letter. And what's even better is that if you don't win the giveaway, you can get a special discount for ordering with the coupon code they listed on the review. So stop by!

I Can Do This

I imagine my announcement, swelling with hope, expectation, joy. Then I picture everyone's reactions. They are kind, but lukewarm. "Bless her heart"s are murmured. No one "likes" me on Facebook. No one follows me on Twitter. No one comments on my new blog. I falter. I look at all the other products that are available. So cute! Such talented artists. Why would anyone want my stuff? It's not the best. Maybe I should scrap this whole idea...

But then, a little voice buried in my heart behind old rejections and insecurities speaks up. "You can do this."

Can I?

"You're good enough."

Am I?

There's only one way to find out.


I wrote this in anticipation of opening my Etsy shop today. Please stop by if you get a chance:
etsy.com/shop/JaborandiGrove?ref=pr_shop
facebook.com/JaborandiGrove
JaborandiGrove.blogspot.com
@JaborandiGrove

Have you shared your story of being enough with Just.Be.Enough. yet? This is the 2nd of a 4 week campaign with Bellflower Books, who will donate one $75 gift certificate per every 20 links on the site, up to 120 links total.  These gift certificates will go to families of women who are fighting breast cancer and will be used to create memory books on their behalf.  Help us spread the word of this remarkable campaign so we can send even more love their way.

Exciting News!

No, I'm not pregnant - sorry to disappoint! But I will have a new baby in my life - I just opened an Etsy shop! It's going to require a lot of care and some sleepless nights, but I'm hoping it will be worth it. Jaborandi Grove offers customizable letter wall decor like in the samples below. Please stop by and check it out! Also, you can find me on Facebook as well as Twitter, so if you have a minute and could "like" and "follow" I would really appreciate it.