Monday, January 31, 2011

Lines

The teal wax oozes beyond the black ink that's stamped in its confining shape. I know I'm supposed to teach her to be mindful of those boundaries, but I can't.

I'm a rule-follower. It took a long time for the creativity in me to be unleashed because it was stifled by directives to stay in the lines. Of course I want her to be orderly and mindful and courteous, but I also want her to question authority and go where her heart and mind lead her, splashing paint and jumping in puddles and straying from the path to find her own way. It's a fine line to walk in parenting.

I am the oldest, a people-pleaser. I see so much of myself in her. She's still young enough that she's not yet afraid to ask the hard questions or do her own thing, like wear mismatched clothes. She's not afraid of what her peers think, and I make a concerted effort not to impose restrictions on her creativity. I want to preserve that independent spirit while helping her conform to the values we uphold - societal norms for safety as well as morals that have gone by the mainstream's wayside.

She'll learn soon enough that she's expected to color within the lines. For now, I'm just going to keep encouraging her to create how she sees fit.

22 comments:

Liz said...

It really is such a challenge because you want them to be them, but you need to guide along the way. I feel like my biggest challenge in that regard will be with Kate.

Anonymous said...

What a great post! It's funny b/c now, we're encouraged at work to think outside of the box, but we need to stay within the lines for just about everything else.

It's definitely a challenge with kids too. I think with creative things, that's cool. But for things like pooping/peeing in the toilet, she better stay within the lines there. Free thinker? Good. Free pooper? Bad.

Unknown said...

I'm a first-born and a people pleaser, too. I catch myself praising my 5-year-old twins when they color in the lines. Shame on me. I need to let them LIVE more....

really enjoyed this post!

Not Just Another Jennifer said...

Thanks everyone for your comments. Pop, good point. That's a clear line that needs to be followed there.

Poppy said...

My oldest has been such a people pleaser and I've always tried to encourage her to be a little more of a free thinker ... now, as she is approaching her teenage years she is finally starting to. I'm happy she is starting to make independent decisions, but then again I'm not ready for her to grow up!

Jessica said...

I love the lesson in this post, I have always been an in-the-lines person but hope to not inflict that on my children too much. I too want them to push their boundaries a bit... but not with me of course!

Nichole said...

I am a rule follower too.
I like predictability and order.
But, I do encourage creativity in my children as much as I possibly can. Sometimes it's all I can do to not step in, but I'm really, really working on it. :)
Lovely post.

Not Just Another Jennifer said...

Thank you all! I never really thought about it before I had kids. I worried about making sure I taught them manners and such, but never really thought about it in this way. Being a mom is never dull!

Anonymous said...

I like rules. But I hate that I like rules. Grrrr.

Sherri said...

Oh, I am such a rule-follower! I like order and stability in my life, and that's NOT really how life is handed to any of us!

So I try, really try to encourage my kids to be different than I am.

But my oldest? I think I handed him the gene.

mdforkids said...

Oh, this is so true. It really is a fine line to walk. Sounds like you are doing a wonderful job at supporting and encouraging her independence and creativity. This is a lovely post. So glad to have found you through Studio 30 plus :)

Not Just Another Jennifer said...

Thanks! I'm excited to check out everyone else over at Studio 30 Plus! Heading your way now....

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