Friday, March 25, 2011


First, I just wanted to let all the Red Dress Club gals know that my reading partner had her twins yesterday! Congrats to Sara from Our Urban Village!


The red and white sprinkles rained down from fluffy, cotton candy clouds, catching in her blonde curls. Elvie lifted her face, eyes closed, tongue out to catch them. Her pink dress billowed out in undulating waves as far as she could see. She raised her arms out from her small form, palms up, praising the sugary heavens. 

Yum! she thought. If only Mama could see me now. Sprinkle donuts had been her favorite, especially pink-frosted ones. 

With a mouthful of sprinkles, Elvie dropped her head back down and looked around as she savored the sweetness. She heard music and began to walk toward it. At first she was afraid she would get tripped up in her dress, but it was as if it moved with her, never getting under her feet. Though she'd been timid in preschool, she felt a serenity here that allowed her to indulge her innate curiosity without hesitation. She came upon a large tent, bigger than any building she'd ever seen in her short life. It was filled with kind faces, many singing, most smiling, all peaceful. Everyone wore brightly-colored, loose-fitting clothes like the nurses had been wearing at her hospital. She was surprised that even though there were tons of voices, it wasn't too loud; just a melodic tinkling at a comfortable decibel level. 

A woman was watching her, patiently waiting for Elvie to see her. At first, Elvie just thought she was another of the ephemeral creatures, but when their eyes met, she instantly recognized her and felt a surge of joy. "Grandma?" she asked.

"Hi, Baby Girl!" She scooped Elvie up in her arms. 

"I didn't expect you to be here so soon," she said, brushing a stray curl from Elvie's face. "But it's wonderful to see you."

"It's wonderful to see you, too, Grandma," Elvie replied. "I was missing you."

"I know, Love." 

Grandma set Elvie down after another tight hug. 

"What's everyone doing?" Elvie asked.

"It's praise time!" Grandma said, excitedly. "That was always your favorite part of church, wasn't it?"

"Yes!" Elvie clapped and jumped up and down. She took her grandmother's hand, and they made their way through the crowd to a space that had been left just for them. Elvie sang and twirled and danced. 

After awhile, the crowd slowly quieted. A figure appeared at the doorway. He was non-descript, yet looked exactly as Elvie had pictured him. As she walked to his open arms, she he was filled with awe, wonder, peace and love, and knew she was home.

This week's prompt was to write a piece, fiction or non-fiction, inspired by this picture. Word limit was 600. I did not expect this to take me where it did, so I struggled with how to finish it. But at least I managed to avoid finishing a donut like in the picture!


diana trautwein said...

this is really lovely - thank you so much. I've daydreamed about heaven, too - but I like your picture of a little girl feeling instantly at home here...because of those sprinkles. Glad to have found your blog...

Honest Convo Gal said...

Hey Jennifer! Welcome back and congrats to your writing partner. She should check out On the Rocks and Straight Up (@angiekinghorn). She has twins.

First, love the concept here. What a creative place to go with the prompt!

I would have liked to have understood a little earlier where we were. I felt like it took me a bit to get to heaven. I thought you were being metaphorical.

Also, I wanted you to break up your exposition a little--you have such great work choices but the 3rd paragraph is a tad long. I wanted to savor all the tasty descriptions of heaven and praise but my eyes got bogged down in words.

I loved the bright eyed wonder of the child's point of view. You did that so well. I read every word wanting to see more of the world you created for her.

Jessica said...

I'm all choked up over here. This was too emotional of a piece for me to be able to offer concrit. You created beautiful imagery and showed such a wonderful place.

Anonymous said...

Totally teared up. I can't even offer concrit.

What a beautiful picture you painted.

Kim said...

This was sad and beautiful. I hope you're right, that there are donuts in abundance up there.

Not Just Another Jennifer said...

Thank you so much for the comments.I really appreciate the concrit!

I'd like to think donuts are a food group in heaven. Along with chocolate, of course. Thank you so much for reading!

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