My Heart Is Breaking

I hate to go back down the road to depressing posts, but my happy Friday screeched to a halt around 4pm. I was too upset to write about it before now, and I really don't want to dwell on it, but I need to put the update out there because I may not post for a bit while I resolve some things.

Our part-time daycare provider called on Friday to let me know that per her doctor's orders, she couldn't watch the kids anymore. She'd found out on Tuesday, but was too upset to talk about it until then. I had had my suspicions, but was living in denial. S LOVES her. Loves her like she loves my mom and me. It is going to break her little heart to stop seeing her during the week. Of course we will still visit, but it is going to turn her little world upside down. And of course, I'm worried about the provider and her health.

I hung up the phone and collected myself. I finished up some work, and thought about what to do next. I called my parents when I left the office to let them know and see if they could help out by watching the girls more than they usually do (they are the other half of our childcare scenario). My voice broke in the middle of the message, and I had to hang up. I cried all the way to the restaurant where I was meeting DH and the kids for dinner along with a couple we are friends with.

Since I arrived first, I had a few minutes to pull myself together. I got us a table, ordered a glass of wine, and relaxed. I was excited to see my babies, and decided to wait to talk to DH until later that night. Right after our food was brought out, my parents called. I answered and the first thing my dad said was, "You're going to need to find someone else to watch the girls for awhile." I asked him what he meant. He said my mom had tripped and fallen and sprained one arm and broken the other.

This just put me over the edge. I excused myself from the table and went outside where I started bawling. I managed to spit out words of concern for my mom through the gasped breaths and sobs, and my dad tried to talk me down. Right then DH came out to check on me. I told Dad I'd call him later and hung up. DH asked me what was wrong and I told him the condensed version. He gave me a big hug and I pulled myself together again, and went back in to finish dinner.

It kills me to not be able to be home with our kids. Finding a sitter who was willing to do part-time and who we loved was a miracle. I'm pessimistic about being able to replicate such a wonderful scenario. But I'm determined to make it happen. So I'll be taking the next week or two to juggle the kids and find someone new. Thankfully I work for a wonderful company that is being really understanding about it. So hopefully you will be, too, dear readers as I take this short leave of absence. Here's hoping my next post is filled with good results!