Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Without It

Today's remembeRED prompt from Write On Edge (previously The Red Dress Club):
We all have them.
Memories that we wish we could forget…things that we wish we could banish from our minds.
Imagine that writing down your worst memory will free you of it.
What is it?
Why does it haunt you?
What could you have done differently?
Write it down and let it go.
Let’s keep it to 600 words or less.

Would I take it away? My first reaction is always yes, yes, please make it so it never happened. It's painful, it's embarrassing, it ruined relationships. There are still mornings when I wake up in a panic after dreaming about it.

It's fading, though. Slowly. Writing is definitely cathartic for me, so I have started to write about it several times.  I can't seem to put it into the right words yet. The day will come.

For now, I will just say that though it was awful for me, so many people experience much, MUCH worse things. I'm thankful that in the scope of life, it was something relatively painless. And thankful for my husband who loves me, flaws and all.

I still wish it hadn't happened. But in retrospect, if it hadn't happened, my life would probably be completely different right now.

Without it, I wouldn't have seen the love that was in front of me.

Without it, I wouldn't have a hilarious, beautiful, toddler with an incredible appetite for learning.

Without it, I wouldn't have a brilliant, gorgeous, red-headed preschooler whose tender heart makes me smile every day.

Without it, I wouldn't have married my best friend.

So, no. As much as I wish it hadn't happened, I would never take it away.
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